Lets get right down to it. Men love three things. Laughter, sex and violence. The combinations vary wildly. Theres the Jackass combination of laughing at the violence Johnny knoxville, Steve-O and the boys inflict upon themselves in the name of amusing us and making themselves filthy stinking rich. (more than enough to buy shiny new replacements for any parts they break during filming)... There's the laugh shared in bed with a girlfriend, spouse or significant other when one says something funny or the unexpected. Or the laugh sex combination when the unwelcome barnyard noises of sex interrupt the romantic fantasy scene. The sudden disruption of the soft focus mood reminds me of the needle being dragged across the Frampton record the way your mom did when she unexpectedly busted your teenage basement party.
Theres the combined outburst "Ow thats gonna hurt !" with a laugh when watching a nasty hit during a football game. And if you're really lucky, once in a great while, all three combine. My personal favorite was the absolute "guy trifecta" of watching my girlfriend slam her head into the footboard of my bed in a post blowjob bed flop. She nearly knocked herself out but I, of course, was convulsed with laughter at her self inflicted violence... and this only seconds after an orgasm? Priceless. It was an all time bedroom follies highlight clip that makes me laugh every time I think of it.
Football is incredibbly popular because of the vicarious thrill every real man gets from watching athletic grace interspersed with spectacularly violent bone jarring hits. As combinations go its an undeniable winner. (As evidenced by the billions of dollars it rakes year after year) As long as there's a wife or girlfiend for pre or post game sex, a guy who has a roof over his head, beer in the fridge and a few buddies to watch a game with, really hasn't got much to complain about.
In my world there has always been the armchair quarterbacking de riguer to any male football gathering. The authoritative spouting of knowlege undisputed since it comes from the experience of having played pee wee through eighth grade football is standard. Mix in a few guys who may have actually suited up in high school and the brain trust is more than equal to the task of critisizing, demeaning, and scoffing at the ex-coach commentators who have won super bowls and the coaches who have spent a lifetime perfecting thier craft.
"Hughhh. What the hell does John Madden know?..Coughlin? He's a fucking idiot.. I had four big gold stars on my helmet when I was 11. Thats right... fumble recoveries, sacks. Blocking that punt against that freckle faced kid from Woodcliff lake and what not."
This resume is enough to make one an equal in the wonderfully self delusional world of the average Joe.
But the problem is everyone does that. Everyone's an expert on the players and game strategy. In my groups the real original material and big laughs come from the ridiculous, the absurd, the truly pointless trivia about the game.
Thats where we come in. Years ago my colleague and I began discussing the trivia of the then occasional minute changes in the uniforms of our favorite grid teams. Lets face it .. a cool uniform is an aspect of the game not to be lightly dismissed. Is there anyone who hasn't fantasized about being suited up in the ultra cool Oakland Raider uniforms or Steeler uniforms and being part of a bad ass defensive unit, snorting steam on the frozen tundra, foaming at the mouth, roaring threats across the line of scrimmage and pointing to the object of your wrath, striking fear into opponents and primal screaming at full gallop into a hit that knocks the snot out of some ball carrier unlucky enough to cross your path? Hows that for a run on sentence? Don't like it? Fuck off. This is a man website, not a grammar seminar.
So let me amend my opening statement to say that men love 4 things. The fourth? Ourselves. Even more, ourselves if we look cool. A good hair day, a new suit for the prom, a wedding, date, etc. A new guinea T that shows off our imaginary guns. All good stuff. But even better is looking good in sports gear, whether while playing for a real team, a beer softball league or just standing around drinking and stuffing our faces in the stadium parking lot. A good hair day is a distant memory for balding guys like me but seeing my reflection in the huge side window of the SUV parked next to our tailgate setup, looking sharp in my team jersey. Thats man love.
Anywhoo, through the years of being a football fan, while I remained something of a hack focusing only on a few of my favorite teams garb, my friend became so knowledgeable and proficient about teams uniforms past and present that he was dubbed by friends and co workers the NFL fashion commisioner. Complete with an annual newsletter issued to detail new changes in uniforms around the league. Now with the advent of throwback uniforms alternate uniforms and the increasingly frequent changes to each teams base uniform the trivial topic has exploded with material to discuss and debate.
That's what we're gonna do here. Have an opinion or an observation? Drop us a line. Wanna know who decides about the changes? Ask us. We don't know but we like acting as if we do and if enough people care, we might even get off our lazy asses and go check. The plan is to build this site into a half ass reference library of the ridiculous and arcane about all things related to the uniforms and equipment of the NFL players through the history of the league. Or at least as far back as when we became interested because really, who gives a rats ass about the Canton bulldogs uniforms? They were nowhere near cool looking enough to rate any real interest except maybe as a point of comparison to show just how spectacular todays duds are.
So like Wikepedia any info, pics or observations you might have will be welcome, checked (maybe, kinda) and included. We will find the people who came up with cool new ideas or uniforms and congratulate them. We will abuse and harrass those we don't agree with and we will relentlessly pursue manufacturers in an attempt to get free or cut rate stuff for ourselves. Compared to real football players, we know we are ancient, imaginary ex-athletes and pathetic pantywaists, but even so we know we look as cool as is possible for us when wearing our favorite teams colors or the Jersey of a boyhood hero like Dick Butkus, Mike Curtis or Alan Page.
Oh and speaking of that, we will eventually offer a line of hard to find throwbacks of mostly defensive hall of famers (or just guys we liked) from the 60's and 70's for all you who want more out of your tailgate/game experience than to be one of 40,000 wearing the same current QB replica jersey at the game.
And once a week yours truly will post a spanking new column somehow related to the garb and gear of the NFL. Don't even think about bringing college ball into this. There's only so much time in a day, week, life and I waste enough time already trying to keep up with the pros. Forget about any other sports too. This is NFL football only! We will welcome contributions and an eye for detail, but don't get too serious on us, this is for fun. Nice talking to you... now go get a life until next weeks column comes out or you have an idea about how to put some money in my pocket.
Ken
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Butkus throwback jersey
A while back I decided that my very modest collection of football jerseys needed an addition. I’ve always been partial to the defensive side of the ball and one of my favourites growing up was Dick Butkus. All my jerseys are replicas of current players and I really wanted a throwback. So I started looking around the internet for a Butkus jersey. After a bit of searching my choice came down to some cheesy inaccurate e-bay offerings, a horribly overpriced Mitchell and Ness, and a Reebock Throwback series jersey for sale through the ESPN zone online store. The Reebock model was going for 124 bucks while the Mitchell and Ness went for 250 and up depending on who was selling it.
The 250 price made my jaw drop and my blood pressure rise and even though I still thought 124 was too much for a shirt, it looked reasonable by comparison. I decided that there was no way I was going to shell out that much for a jersey and decided to wait and see if the price would come down or if I could find someone selling it for less, or even a decent replica version.
There were differences in the higher end offerings of course. The MnN was made out of the materials used during the time frame of the player’s career, which I loved. Attention to detail is big. The Reebok had an NFL logo at the yoke of the neck which looked nice but is a feature of today’s jerseys. It also had shiny tricot fabric on the shoulder panels which again, looks nice but never graced the shoulder pads of Mr. Butkus. He also never sported a Reebok logo over his shoulder numbers.
Months went by and my occasional searches for a better option or price yielded nothing. I continued to go to the sites of the high end offerings oogling and poring over whatever details were available. Eventually my resistance weakened and one night I bit the bullet and ordered the Reebock version. I awaited it’s arrival with great anticipation. When it finally arrived my reactions to it were decidedly mixed. On one hand I finally had it and knew I’d enjoy wearing it for years. On the other I felt a bit cheated. The website had touted sewn on tackle twill numbers and lettering on the nameplate. This is, of course, one of the main differences between a 60 dollar replica jersey with screen printed numbers and this “twice the price” jersey. Since the Bears uniform of the time had orange borders around white numbers I assumed it would be the two layer twill of an authentic. Wrongo… ! What I found myself looking at and feeling was not the twill of numbers the real jerseys of my youth but some “plasticy” feeling hybrid. On top of that there was no double layer of twill. In fact the inside white of the numbers and letters was printed on the orange complete with printed fake white stitching at the borders. I had spent a ridiculous amount of time looking at the details of the jerseys using the best zoom functions available on the respective sites and was convinced that while the Reebok one wasn’t as authentic as the MnN, at least it had the sewn on double layer twill of an authentic. I was pissed.
I made this purchase a while back and in subsequent checking of the ESPN website there seems to have been an update and clarification and the wording describing the numbers specifying single layer twill. I can only guess that a lot of other people felt mislead. I was almost disappointed enough to send it back…. almost. In the end I decided that since, short of a lottery win, I was never going to shell out the MnN price and there were no other visible options I’d have to learn to live with and enjoy the product for what it was… something in between a replica and an authentic. Now, some 9 months after purchase, it has seen moderate use and gone through several wash cycles with two results of note. One, the twill has lost some of its “plasticy” feel and started to feel a little more like real tackle twill. The other is that the screen printed Reebock shoulder logos have begun to peel off. This does not bode well for the shoulder striping which is also a kind of screen printed rubber compound.
The verdict? Thumbs down. I am happy to have it since I put so much thought, time, money and consideration into its purchase that I’d hate to come out of that process empty handed. However, had I known what it was from the beginning I would have decided against purchase. Also I would point out that I had a Tarkenton jersey that lasted 15 years and might have lasted longer as it was lost, not worn out or discarded. I also had a Bo Jackson Jersey that lasted just as long before meeting its end through no fault of its own. This one, in comparison, is showing signs of wear after 9 months and, in my book, no football jersey should have anything on it that feels like plastic. Sorry Reebok. My opinion is that they should make it quality or make it replica. The “in between” is wholly unsatisfactory.
The 250 price made my jaw drop and my blood pressure rise and even though I still thought 124 was too much for a shirt, it looked reasonable by comparison. I decided that there was no way I was going to shell out that much for a jersey and decided to wait and see if the price would come down or if I could find someone selling it for less, or even a decent replica version.
There were differences in the higher end offerings of course. The MnN was made out of the materials used during the time frame of the player’s career, which I loved. Attention to detail is big. The Reebok had an NFL logo at the yoke of the neck which looked nice but is a feature of today’s jerseys. It also had shiny tricot fabric on the shoulder panels which again, looks nice but never graced the shoulder pads of Mr. Butkus. He also never sported a Reebok logo over his shoulder numbers.
Months went by and my occasional searches for a better option or price yielded nothing. I continued to go to the sites of the high end offerings oogling and poring over whatever details were available. Eventually my resistance weakened and one night I bit the bullet and ordered the Reebock version. I awaited it’s arrival with great anticipation. When it finally arrived my reactions to it were decidedly mixed. On one hand I finally had it and knew I’d enjoy wearing it for years. On the other I felt a bit cheated. The website had touted sewn on tackle twill numbers and lettering on the nameplate. This is, of course, one of the main differences between a 60 dollar replica jersey with screen printed numbers and this “twice the price” jersey. Since the Bears uniform of the time had orange borders around white numbers I assumed it would be the two layer twill of an authentic. Wrongo… ! What I found myself looking at and feeling was not the twill of numbers the real jerseys of my youth but some “plasticy” feeling hybrid. On top of that there was no double layer of twill. In fact the inside white of the numbers and letters was printed on the orange complete with printed fake white stitching at the borders. I had spent a ridiculous amount of time looking at the details of the jerseys using the best zoom functions available on the respective sites and was convinced that while the Reebok one wasn’t as authentic as the MnN, at least it had the sewn on double layer twill of an authentic. I was pissed.
I made this purchase a while back and in subsequent checking of the ESPN website there seems to have been an update and clarification and the wording describing the numbers specifying single layer twill. I can only guess that a lot of other people felt mislead. I was almost disappointed enough to send it back…. almost. In the end I decided that since, short of a lottery win, I was never going to shell out the MnN price and there were no other visible options I’d have to learn to live with and enjoy the product for what it was… something in between a replica and an authentic. Now, some 9 months after purchase, it has seen moderate use and gone through several wash cycles with two results of note. One, the twill has lost some of its “plasticy” feel and started to feel a little more like real tackle twill. The other is that the screen printed Reebock shoulder logos have begun to peel off. This does not bode well for the shoulder striping which is also a kind of screen printed rubber compound.
The verdict? Thumbs down. I am happy to have it since I put so much thought, time, money and consideration into its purchase that I’d hate to come out of that process empty handed. However, had I known what it was from the beginning I would have decided against purchase. Also I would point out that I had a Tarkenton jersey that lasted 15 years and might have lasted longer as it was lost, not worn out or discarded. I also had a Bo Jackson Jersey that lasted just as long before meeting its end through no fault of its own. This one, in comparison, is showing signs of wear after 9 months and, in my book, no football jersey should have anything on it that feels like plastic. Sorry Reebok. My opinion is that they should make it quality or make it replica. The “in between” is wholly unsatisfactory.
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