An interesting exchange with PSL victim

Stiener is on the DL for 2-4 weeks with back surgery. Today is the day, june 2, that the NY jets are going to call for the right to pick my seats for the new stadium and deposit $500 a seat for the 2010 season which is 15 months away. I will be sitting further and higher away then I do now after 29 years of being a ticket holder which pisses me off . At least I qualify for non-psl seats, a lot of my fellow jet fans, ticket holders for 25 years or so, are not going to have the oppurtunity to choose non-psl upper deck seats and be forced to make a choice between $7,500 PSL's and giving up the seats because long time holders ( 30+) who sit in the lower level are opting for upper deck seats to avoid the PSL. Do not be suprised that the Jets do not sell out for 2010 and are blacked out. Unlike Mr. Geary, and the Giant fans, most Jet fans will refuse to pay $10,000 a seat for the right to buy a ticket. That happens when your team continually dissapoints you.


Stiener,

Have to agree with you whole-heartedly. It seems to me to be a strategic error to make your loyal fan base, demographic, customer, whatever re-evaluate whether it's worth being a fan anymore. Being a football fan all my life, I never doubted it would be so until I croaked. This whole PSL thing has brought me to a place I never thought I could wind up... wondering if I should trash the whole idea of being a football fan.
I'm a capitalist through and through but when it no longer feels like an honest negotiation but some kind of anal rape without even the common courtesy of a little lube... well it makes you wonder. The loyalties to the sport, the team etc always to me seemed something deeper than just a monetary transaction and I think the teams and league would have been wise to continue to make their millions without rocking that boat. It has, for me, been a tradition, a lifelong habit and a kind of social glue that could cut across all kinds of boundaries to provide common emotional and conversational ground with so many different people. It has provided landmarks throughout my life and NFL events have been intertwined with other life events to create and intertwined tapestry. It hasn't been like other entertainment products that collect in the closet after a time, things that sit by my side as possesions but rather a series of threads in the very fabric of my life.
By this abuse and unseemly psycho determination to squeeze the very last possible nickel from us fans, they have reminded me that in the end it is just an entertainment product and there is a certain level of abuse that will cause me to walk away and find some other avenue for fullfilling my desire for vicarious violence. And once that bond is broken there is no going back to the way it used to be. Once that golden egg goose has croaked there is no avian defibrillator to bring it back.
I dearly hope that there is a blackout and a backlash and that the overzealous MBA's in the front offices get chased out of town by torch and pitchfork carrying mobs all across the country. Or perhaps the time has finally arrived for a competing league aimed at those of us who love football but don't want to feel like we're being abused as a payback for our years of loyalty and patronage. Whew. That was quite the mountain of metaphors eh? So whats up with the back?

Ken

Going on about my balls

http://www.footballfashionfanatics.com/Weekly_column_offseason8.html

Breaking news

FFF correspondent Stiener checks in from the Magic Kingdom

Now this is good stuff...

Guys, Stiener here. on vacation in the land of the mouse, F' ing Disney. I want to choke that rodent.

As your field reporter/ AFC man, I have some info for you if you have not seen it. Yes, Titan man will be in the house for throw back weekend!!!!! 04/29 — Head coach Rex Ryan and the organization have established the games in which the Jets will wear their Titans throwback uniforms in 2009.The good news is that, in conjunction with the AFL 50th Anniversary Season theme ahead, the Jets will wear their throwback unis in three games, not two.The even better news is that in two of those three games, the uniforms will be a new color scheme: Titans white road jerseys with navy letters and numbers and navy and gold striping to go along with the gold pants from the past two seasons.The only time the Jets will wear their navy jerseys will be Game 3 at the Meadowlands vs. the Tennessee Titans. We hear the Titans will be going with the powder-blue uniforms of their Houston Oilers ancestors, so that game will really capture the 50th Anniversary theme: (New York) Titans vs. (Houston) Oilers. Then the white jerseys, never before worn by the Jets, will be unveiled in back-to-back games, also against original AFL opponents. On Oct. 26 the Jets will wear the white and gold at Oakland against the Raiders. The next week, they'll stay in the white jerseys to play the Miami Dolphins at the Meadowlands. That will be the first home game in which the Jets wore white jerseys and forced the Dolphins to wear their aqua tops since possibly 1989.The Jets are 3-1 in 2007-08 while wearing their navy and gold throwbacks, including wins the last three times they wore their old Titans home uniforms — at Miami in '07, then in back-to-back home wins over Arizona and Cincinnati last season.

God, it's great to be alive. Above is the oft pictured original Titan away jersey. Questions pop up. Will any player wear the long sleeves? Will they go all the way... that way? Will the sleeve numbers remain on the sleeve below the shoulder stripe or will they be moved to the top of the shoulder?
Will Titan man's volatile relationship with his unstable girlfriend finally be shattered when she realizes that he'll shell out a small fortune for an authentic 60's Oilers jersey but chintzes on flowers for her birthdays?
There's some suspense cookin' in the kitchen and it smells delicious ; )

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!

Well, I made the fatal error. Much like Charlie Brown or his brother in arms Doug, I looked at the mess of a filing system in my website software and decided that I should "organize" it so that I could post my nonsense more efficiently. Some people never learn. Of course instead of saving time it led to a complete breakdown and took me days to straighten out and in the end I was counting my blessings that my webhost could back up my site to what it was last week, chaotic files and all. The upshot is that once the site is restored to last week, the link to the Gene Upshaw and the love column may not function for a few hours.

Meanwhile I got a little feedback from the fashion commisioner on the latest weekly column and thought it might provide an amusing insight to how thing work behind the curtain here at FFF. Heres the email exchange

Referencing the Gene Upshaw column, Rich writes,

Great article Ken, and you know you had to place the sticker on the back. It took time to get the payoff but who is laughing now? Sense and sensibility in all things in life including this ridiculous preoccupation with fashion. Football Fashion. The commish is proud of you. Now, let's get you a green communication sticker to show you are getting all the audibles from the site foreman. That will get this concrete heads to step up and take notice of you're god given gift. By the way, check out the ESPN article concerning The original eight AFL teams are wearing 1960 throwback jerseys to commemorate fifty years of AFC football. Oh the wonders of fashion never cease. NY GIANT MAN ( NFL Commissioner of Fashion



My reply

Greetings GIANT MAN ! The green communication sticker says it all. It was so obvious as a next step and yet I missed it. Truly you are the master ; ) Aesthetically, I'm not a fan of it, but as a one-up fashion move it will leave all others eating my dust and as such is a must (poet and not aware of it) The one two punch of the two of them will make for a visual knockout and make me undisputed king of the fashion hill. While we're at it, my rectangular flag sticker finally succumbed to wear and tear and I was forced to replace it with a "rippling in the wind" version that is a little to big. U may have noticed this in the picture. This will have to be replaced with a regulation version and be moved to the back of the hard hat along with the others. I liked it at the front of my head-back of the helmet when there were no other stickers on it but for the harmony and integrity of the piece I think it should be grouped with the others. The front of my head will only sport the understated little "local 638" decal that sits at the base of the two stripes right above the brim. I think this is a tastefull and appropriate nod to the organization that sponsors the whole endeavor. I just got and cropped a pic to show the 638 decal and I can see in this that the flag isn't a little too big, it's horribly oversized and I never should have put it on. It's hideous and I feel embarassed and ashamed. Much like the defensive back who has to watch in the film room as they replay him getting burned over and over and then in slo mo... It was the last few days of the job and I was punchy from the cold. Thats my excuse. I have seen the pictures of the 50th anniversary AFL uni's and love 'em. My question is are they going to wear them all season or just once or twice a la throwback? I've heard rumblings of a new Dolphin helmet and have heard it's already been leaked but haven't found it yet. Are you aware of this? Ken



The commisioners response to that



So well put as always. Do not despair Ken, the American Flag decal was in vogue so what can you do. I do believe, that you should get the regulation size flag decal for the helmet. I may even have one so I will take a look and send it out to you.

The word on the throwbacks is that each of the eight teams will wear their throwbacks at least twice during the season. I believe they will also were the uniforms when they go head to head as well. A good example is the Jets ( titans) vs Titans (Oilers). I think Oilerman needs to make an appearance at that one since it is going to be played at the meadowlands. If this is the case, I will need to get an old blue oil derrick style Oiler helmet. Seams like overkill and yes, it is. In 1994, the teams had to use their throwbacks twice as well, but the NFL at that time let the teams wear their jerseys more than once if they so chose to do so. The Giants in 1994 wore the sixties uniform many times that year. I do not believe the NFL is so cavalier about letting teams just wear the jerseys as much as they want to anymore. I would like to see each throwback team wear their jersey once on the road and once at home.

Think about it Ken. Have we seen the Jets/Titans wear the white road jersey. No we have not. I think that should be the requirement, but I feel the league will screw this up. So as far as I know, eight original teams, will wear their jerseys in two matchup games this year. I will be scanning the wire for further updates..

New Dolphis Helmet! Yes. That is news. Should be a front cover story complete with some early seventies Super Bowl memories .

It never stops.



Then Stiener weighed in with this bit that answers the Titan road jersey issue the commisioner brought up...



Fella's, saw this on the Jet site when reading an article about the 2009 schedule. There should be lots of old uniforms showing up around the NFL with the 50th anniversary. . Jets going to the white road Titan uni's. Its gonna be your type of season, lots of fanatical discussions you wild and crazy guys!!! Six games against four original AFL teams in this AFL 50th Anniversary Season. Besides the Patriots and Bills twice, the Jets play the Tennessee Titans (née Houston Oilers) at home Sept. 27, and at the Raiders Oct. 25. The Jets will wear their home navy Titans uniforms for one of these three home games and will debut their road Titan white unis at one of the three road games.



God, I love it

New column on site

New material about the Love http://www.footballfashionfanatics.com/weekly_column_offseason2.html

Overpatching and Life imitates Tom Geary... again

Ok, look at the picture above and prepare for more of the dead horse beating that is the main theme of this blog. I refer to, of course, railing against going the fashion violations far to common with the NFL uniform. The overpatching on Kerry Rhodes is obvious. Do we really want our guys to look like some third rate euro soccer team with patches and cheesy ads on every available square inch of the uni? Do we want the Chico's bail bonds ad splayed across the cornhole of every swingin' dick on the sideline? Four patches within 6 inches of the mans neck? A little much, doncha think? Yadda yadda yadda, you know my rant by now.

So lets get to the main issue today. Once again life imitates Tom Geary. I mean, is this getting spooky or what? For those of you who saw that pic in the last column http://www.footballfashionfanatics.com/quick_hits_115.html u know that somehow Eli Manning bore an undeniable resemblance to our own Crazy Legged guitar maestro, the croaking crooner Tom Geary.
Now I open the paper today and heres this picture of Joba Chamberlain at the White House and, you know, go ahead... tell me that isn't another sports celeb imitating Tom. I double dog dare ya. Strap a guitar on him and put a can of suds at his side and viola! it's no longer a visiting Yankee, it's open mic night at the Obama-rama lounge. It's uncanny.
Well anyway we're back in business over here at FFF. My work trip back to NY for the past two months kept me from prime directive which is to blog and obsess about this crap. Well, ok maybe I could have done some blogging from Casa De Hermann but I had a higher calling, a civic duty to attend to. First of all was the Fourth annual PFL. An event of such scope, magnitude and alchohol consumption that it renders most participants useless for weeks afterwards. As the executive producer the time demands, liver damage and brain cell loss are even greater. But the show must go on so the blog took a back seat to the demands of Paper Football and earning the money to buy beer for the event.

In addition to that, in these troubled economic times many industries teeter on the brink and it was obvious to me that the entire NY strip joint industry was in danger of circling the drain. Since I was temporarily free of family obligations I took it on myself to spend all my time away from the job furiously stuffing dollar bills into g-strings to support all the single moms swinging around the stripper pole. It's just the kind of guy I am. I was raised to pitch in and lend a hand when someones in trouble. I knew you, my loyal one and a half readers would understand. .... you're welcome.
I may not be writing columns and items as often during the off season but there won't be any more two month breaks. Stay tuned, I feel a lot of nonsense brewing and a season ripe with uni-changes and fresh material comin' up ; )
Ken

Signs of life

Oh my God !

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah I know it's been a while since my last post. The holiday season, new kid etc kept me from a computer. Plus I'm in the good ol US again on a work tour and haven't re-established suitable computer access yet.
The playoffs have provided a plethora of excitement, disappointment and fashion details to the point that my head is near exploding but until I get my website software on a usable computer I can't go all out with posts. But every day gets me nearer to that goal. Have faith... hang in there... the fashion updates are on the way.
But not before next week because this saturday is the paper football league annual tournament. An event without precedent..... because nobody was twisted enough to think of it before... Check out the awesome T-shirt design.

Absurdity comes in many flavors

If you're reading this blog it means that you not only appreciate absurdity... you actively seek it out and wallow in it like a filthy pig rooting in it's own waste (do I know how to butter up our readers or what)

As such we're opening up the Esteemed PFL (Paper Football League) annual tournament to one lucky reader.... kind of like Vince Papale in that movie "Invincible" where the local boy makes it past a Vermeil publicity stunt to the roster of his beloved Eagles.

Yeah.... just like that...

Anyway here's the initial Propaganda invite that went out. The reader that sends in the most interesting fashion detail or funniest impassioned plea will win a chance to compete on the big day. Plus that date with Natalie Portman that no one won from our last contest. (go back a few weeks in the blog to check that one out). Let the games begin.

Greetings one and all ! Yes the world is seemingly spinning out of control, those of you lucky enough to have houses just saw their value plummet, we're all never going to be able to retire and soon we'll all be living behind the 7-11 fighting over who gets to sleep in the dumpster and who sleeps under it. So whats a rational person supposed to do? I'll tell you.... CELEBRATE because the 4th annual PFL is comin' at ya in just a few short months! Thats right it's time to warm up those fingers, work up an appetite and get ready to let the mayhem begin. Once again Joe Hermann stadium has been leased for the big day. The maids are spiffing up the luxury boxes and a cooling system has been installed under the porch floor astroturf to insure that even in the event of a warm spell, the tundra will be frozen for gametime. It promises to be an extravaganza and an action packed thrill ride from start to finish. As usual. This years event will start early on Saturday January 24 2009 with a new feature... an actual touch football game at the newly refurbished dumont field. Thats right, this year participants wll be limping up to the table at the paper tournament and with any luck at all someone may even drip blood on the playing table. There will be excellent food, there will be beer of all shapes, sizes and flavors, and as always the thrill of an athletic competition so ... soo... so absurd that the networks refuse to cover it and the olympic committe won't even return my phone calls. There may even be T-shirts check out the design here. http://www.customink.com/lab/?E=kens_cash@hotmail.com&F=pfl3 (for zooming capablity) or from the attached pic. There will be NFL background music until your ears bleed and an atmosphere so manly that the EPA has been put on alert to have a testosterone cleanup team on standby. There will be a jam session afterwards which will hopefully be kicked off by Johnny O reprising his thoroughly detestable and equally hilarious David Allen Coe song. To Mike Mac, Tom, Joe and Johnny O lets pick 7-10 songs, agree on keys and we can run through them before the event on our own so its more fun on game day. Bring a sleeping bag to crash on the floor as anyone trying to drive home drunk will be shot and debauchery is encouraged. Does anyone know a kid with a license and a car who wants to make a few bucks doing pick ups and drop offs for the people who have to get home that evening but want to be able to have a few beers without worrying about it? You guys coming from a distance, please make plans to sleep over so you can relax and enjoy ok? Again thats Saturday January 24 2009 the weekend after the NFL conference championships. PUT IT ON YOUR CALENDER! RSVP and indicate if you're game for the game of touch before the paper tournament

From the Grinch to the Ginch

I wanted to do a little bit on sideline reporters. Particularly that one that looks like Underdogs girlfriend Sweet Polly Purebread. The cartoon is Underdog so all the main characters are animated dogs, so even if Polly is sweet and Pure she is a dog. Need I say more? Then there's the one that resembles the 7 that bartends at your local dive. Michelle something or other I think is the name of that sad excuse for sideline snizz. She resembles that bartender. You know the one I'm talkin' about. She works at the place that sucks but it's walking distance so going there means you don't have to worry about driving home. You rarely go to the miserable hole in the wall and you rarely think about her but on the odd occasion that you end up there she might be the only thing in possesion of two x chromosones and if the tube is showing some of that Olympic crap with 12 year old children twirling sticks with ribbons attached... well, what's a guy supposed to do with his eyes?


6 or 8 beers later she's lookin' downright doable and you're looking forward to her walking to the other end of the bar so you can stare at her 7 ass which has, through the magic of alcohol, become an 8 and a 1/2 ass. It, of course, goes nowhere because she's already got you pegged as a loser for being there at all and doing a poor job of hiding your staring at her female parts every chance you get. The next day the whole thing will be forgotten and you'll feel no inclination to go back and indeed wonder why you didn't just go home earlier.

My point is ... what the hell are women of this caliber doing on all the big NFL broadcasts? I don't want my sideline updates from some "gal" with real sports knowledge. I want a broad so hot she makes my eyeballs melt and my pulse race at first site. I don't care if she gets all here commentary fed to her through an earpiece. The broadcasts are already loaded with authentic expert commentary. Do we really need to pretend the sideline reporter is anything more than eye candy? Can't I just have my 15 second sexual fantasy with a desireable woman before we get back to the action on the field? Is that too much to ask?

It irks me everytime. So I decided to go look for a picture or two of these two woofers but when I type in sideline reporters, you know what I get? This

Yeah, thats right. She doesnt look like Underdogs girlfriend does she? And how about this one?

She also came up under "sideline reporter" .... Want a few more?So where is the 7 in that crowd I ask you? Why aren't any of these obviously talented sports professionals trading witty barbs with Goose 'n Moose? Why aren't Madden, Micheals and Dierdof and Simms calling their numbers? Can't someone start a petition to can Michelle whats her name and Sweet Polly purebread? If they can take the time to redesign the NFL logo, ball, change instant replay rules, dream up new ways to turn fans upside down and shake more money out of them through PSL's, surely they can correct/improve this aspect of the viewing experience. Can I get an amen?

Today I became a true Jet fan

Grinch steals Jet fan hope.

The Jets lead the division but this is how I feel about our season.




Full disclosure: I didn't even see the game. I have NFL gamepass and with the top shelf option that means access to all games. I originally thought that I'd watch every Jet game this season but being on the euro side of the Atlantic means a 4 oclock game in the states starts at 10pm for me.

This didn't seem like much of an impediment in theory but I foolishly overlooked the fact that I'm an old man with a three month old infant and a nine year old (plus some kids from my ex's life before me) So being sleep deprived and having to wake up early every day and deal with infant, sleep deprived partner, getting kids ready for school etc the whole idea of staying up till 1am on a Sunday evening just didn't survive the first encounter with reality.
Even my strong desire to see all this seasons games could not exceed my desire for the sweet release and refuge of the scant sleep available. And so each week I pray the Jets have a 1 oclock game or I have to make plans to watch the archived version the following day.... if I haven't seen the score or if I have and it's a game I still want to watch.

It was with a heavy heart that I hit the hay last night as I really really wanted to see the Jets redeem themselves after last weeks Bronco loss. Last weeks loss was easily written of as par for the course for Gang Green. I mean, it wouldn't be the Jets without the requisite inappropriate loss at regular intervals and since the Pats also lost we were still in first place yadda yadda yadda.
I figured it was a well timed wake up call to prevent cockiness seeping in, to keep us sharp for our turn at a cinderella march to the Super Bowl. Then I woke up this morning, clicked my browser on which of course has the NFL.com set as home page and saw that the Niners had beaten us.


My first reaction was "Well, I guess two weeks ago when an all NY Super Bowl was the topic dujour, was the high point of the season"

This sounds rational enough no? It sounds like a normal innocuous response right? Wrong! Suddenly I had a blinding flash of realization that the Jet lifer body snatchers had finally gotten to me. Just like that I'd given up on the season. Without preplanning or forethought, I'd reached the conclusion that the appearance of great things to come would be as good as it would get. There was the towel flying through the air in slow motion, on its way to the canvas in the middle of the ring way before my fighter even had a chance to struggle to his feet. For ten year now I'd resisted adopting the bone-deep bitter stance and attitude of most of my fellow Jet fans friends who were lifers and seemed to crumble into a sobbing heap of wailing flailing flesh at the first sign of trouble in any given season. Indeed, on any given Sunday, like dogs that have been beat to much they would seem to "spend half their lives just a-coverin' up"

But there I was. An objective look at the standings would show that due to our in division record we are in fact still in first place in the division. Repeat: Jets in first place in the AFC east in Week 14. True, its a three way tie in an excitingly tight division race in which we own the tie breakers right now but there I was, slime still dripping off me from the pod, deciding that the season would be all downhill from here.
I wasn't wailing flailing or sobbing yet but I'd let my mind make that Jet fan suicidal lemming-leap nonetheless. I desperately thought about sliding back into the body snatchers pod and trying to psychic-ly reverse the process through sheer force of will. This couldn't really be happening! I could just picture my bitter Jet bretheren looking at me with that blank stare and saying in that monotone "Now you are one of us. Come on lets watch the game" I would be led to a spot on the couch and much like a passenger on a doomed Jet, would spend the rest of my football watching days raising my seatback, slapping my tray table up and leaning forward into that crash position at the first penalty or turnover for the rest of my days.

I didn't want it to end like this. I really didn't. I never thought they'd get me. I wasn't one of them. I was a modern era Jet fan you understand. I only came onboard when Parcells took over the controls in 98. I didn't come with that baggage of 30 years of heartbreak after the franchises one brief shining moment. It couldn't happen to me.
And still it did. I stood there like the Grinch watching the Who's celebrate down in Whoville without their pantoozlers and wuffles... puzzling and puzzling till my puzzler was sore.
Oh well... I never thought I'd be old enough to pull my elsatic waist band up to mid spare tire either.

On the bright side if we do make a Fairy Tale march through January, I will celebrate with my Jet fan friends not as a newcomer or an outsider. No... for better or worse, I have become that which I have feared and looked upon with pity and contempt, I am now a true Jet fan.

Ken

Dick jokes from decades past and great football names

I was just watching some ESPN classic episodes of "This week in the NFL"... you know, the ones with Pat Summerall and Tom Brookshire sitting in ultra cheesy low budget sets. My personal favorites are the ones that have them sitting in front of a football shaped coffee table.

Anyway while enjoying the week 8 recap from 1971 Pat Summerall was narrating over the martial music that became the mind soundtrack to every sandlot and backyard football game played by kids in the seventies and he called a play naming the quarterback for Atlanta... Dick Shiner.

Yeah, you read right. I had to rewind just to make sure I heard it right. Then I had to lie to my girlfriends young son who wanted to know why I was laughing.

I mean really... Dick Shiner?

I watched some more highlights because the youngster wanted to see the old Jets highlights but I was making a mental note to write an item about the Shineroski, the ol' Shinola. By the time I got around to writing I'd lost my certainty as to which team the Shine-man played for. I thought it was Atlanta but since I have my total lack of journalistic integrity to think of I decided to devoted at least 15 seconds to fact checking.

As luck would have it I have the Encyclopedia of Football in it's most current version and I looked up the Shine-ster .
Sure enough there he was and to my surprise, he'd played for ten years! For the Falcons, the Giants, the Saints, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Washington... the Shiner shone nationwide. Here's a picture of the man showing the gritty determination he would need to endure his habit of forgetting his helmet on the sidelines.


I couldn't believe I didn't recognize his name as I was around twelve back then and even though it seems impossible, I liked a good Dick joke then even more than I do now. How the hell did I let that meatball by me without hitting it out of the park?

Surprisingly enough that is not the worst Dick related, joke ready football name I ever heard. When I went to college at Glassboro State our football teams coach sported the moniker (gods honest truth) Dick Wacker. Pronounced Dick Wacker. Now really, what sadistic son of a bitch, boy named Sue parents hung that albatross around some poor infants neck? Ya know? Who would do that to a kid?

On the other side of that fence are many great Football names like Joe Namath, Emerson Boozer (cool and funny) Wilbur Marshall, Deacon Jones, Dexter Manly (a good contradiction that tips in favor of cool by the fact that he was big and scary) Joe Kapp, Too Tall Jones, Hollywood Henderson, Mean Joe Greene, Hacksaw Reynolds ... yeah I know these are all from the Stone age but I was just watching highlights from 71 so bear with me. Or is it bare with me?.... oh who the hell cares.

Anyway my friend had a kid a while back and as soon as I heard his name I thought "this kid has got to play ball" His name is just to good not to. Wanna know what it is? .... wait for it... a little more... ok, ya ready? get a load of this... Diesel Beck. Eh? eh? Is that awesomely perfect or what? When you're on the sandlot choosing up sides is there anyway you don't pick Diesel? If he's even remotely good and his name comes up on the draft board, could you resist calling that name? If your an announcer calling a game is there any cooler name to be calling?

I tell you this. If Brian Urlacher had the name Diesel Beck he would get at least a few extra Pro Bowl votes every year... no doubt.

And thats all I have to say about that. .... except Dick Wacker, Dick Wacker, Dick Wacker

Billie Johnson: trailblazer

The Spatwrap cleat cover, the debris inhibitor, Cleat Shoe Cover, The Sports Spat. These are the names for the various models of this new craze currently sweeping the football nation. (yeah, I know they've been around for a while but I just love using any variation of the phrase "craze sweeping the nation") My first reaction is to go with the ol' "What will they think of next" cliche, but it has kinda been done before. I seem to recall a lot of players that just taped their shoes to achieve the solid white look. And considering those black rubber or rubber-like elbow covers I suppose it was just a matter of time till they migrated down to the shoes.
I'm not altogether sure how I feel about this. I love innovation especially when it's an accessory and it's all about the look. And I give it bonus fashion love for being pointless. Debris inhibitor?... yeah right. Try as I might I can't recall a single episode of football related performance being inhibited by debris lodged in a shoelace or some of that ever present field debris affecting a play....
...no wait... there was that time when the Oilers Bille Johnson was on the verge of breaking another big kickoff return when the fishing line hanging off a piece of driftwood lying on the 47 yard line got snagged in the Nike logo tip that was protruding a 32nd of an inch from the side of his shoe and ... well we've all been there before, trying to outrun some closing cornerback while attempting to shake loose from 16 pounds of water logged driftwood covered with tangled knots of 20 pound test polyethylene line and the odd barnacle.
I hate when that happens! But now that I think of it that was right before he became famous as Billie WHITE SHOES Johnson. And he made his shoes all white by covering them with tape. Eureka, I've traces the origins of the Sports spat debris inhibitor right here in this unlikely stream of consciousness!

And so it only took another 20 years after Billie hung up his white shoes to come up with a solution accessible to every player. Of course back then they figured that 20 years hence we'd all have those Jetsons flying cars but hey, at least these new babies are available in team specific colors. And they have pre-cut holes for the cleats. Cooool.
I do have a problem with the toe however. Billy covered the whole shoe. If the shoe above was already red and covered with a red spat I'd like it better. This is like when I first noticed this new doo-dad it was a black spat on a black shoe, like in the first picture above. I know that technically a spat doesn't cover a whole shoe but the only person I can think of who wore spats was Scrooge McDuck and really, he wasn't even close to being as cool as even the lowliest bench warming scrub on the 70's Saints.

And really, don't you think it just a matter of time till sharp corner of the bumper of a 78 Chrysler catches in that open toe? Someone's going to lose a million dollar bonus performance incentive over this.I know a few Savage lawyers that'll be lined up to represent that player against the company foolish enough to claim they're "Debris Inhibitors"
And who knows maybe the Gods of Irony will smile on the situation and the Blood sucking shyster that runs the Debris Inhibitor into bankruptcy will use his cut of the Multi million dollar award to go out and by him or herself a set of real spats...

Ken

My friend Brett

I live with an stark raving mad savage. In other social settings I refer to her as my significant other, mother of my child, yadda, yadda, yadda. One of the tidbits in the mountain of evidence that demonstrate her femininity, ... I mean insanity, pard0n my redundance, is that she sends me e-mails even though we live in the same apartment and our computers are about 20 feet apart. Normally this is not a big deal as I ignore them much as I ignore the rest of the mountain. I'm not sure if ignorance is really bliss but ignoring things is key to our relationship.

One of the things that I love about my live-in savage is how she tolerates, indulges and even encourages my football obsession. Which brings me to the email in question. She sent me a facebook link that if clicked on, makes me a Facebook friend of Brett Favre.

I was shocked in that I had no idea Brett was on Facebook. Now that I've clicked his "friend button" I feel comfortable calling him by his first name. I'm barely on Facebook myself and for every unit of enjoyment I get from contact with long lost friends is balanced by two units of annoyance with the whole dopey thing and the time it sucks from my Pulitzer award winning pursuits. The whole site seems to go far beyond just social networking and seems determined to waste ones time with pointless ancillary crap.

But in this magical season of NY football how could I not love a woman who finds a way to make me Brett Favre's personal friend? I must admit that I've got some mixed emotions about the whole thing, I mean, I know there's just some pasty faced toady boy clicking on the thousands of friend requests but that's for those other common losers. Surely Brett, by now is aware of our elevated status as real players in the football universe and may even be interested in a soft landing on the staff of FFF after his playing days are over. This year will be his first Super Bowl win as a Jet and after he reprises this act a-la Elway to make it back to back titles then he will be ready to transition and what better fit could there be?... did you pick up on that little fashion humor there?... "fit".... get it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they can't all be golden. So what do you think? How long should I wait for a reply from the Favre-meister? I mean, I know he's busy an all right now but we gotta feel a little love if we're gonna keep a seat warm for him in the Fashion command bunker.

I'm a reasonable man. I'm thinkin' if one of his cyber-serfs wants to stand out from the crowd he or she could send a few luxury box tix along to us at Football Fashion Fanatics we'd be more than happy to keep our burgeoning friendship on ice and his future place secure while he goes about the business of finally relieving the pain of the legions of bone deep bitter Jet lifers.

This season just keeps getting better. Me and Brett... BFF

Pantherific Pulitzer Party

Wow... those pulitzer people know how to party! I was expecting egghead central but instead got a roomfull of Hunter Thomson wannabees. I guess it's been about a week or more since winning the prestigious award and most of the money is already gone. Shoulda said ixnay on the ookershay a little earlier in the week. At least it was a first class bender. Yep, best crack hotel money can buy.
In any case I had the presence of mind to save enough for cab fare home. I had to shoot my way out of the room with a fistfull of the last of the larger denomination bills but it was worth the risk since it left me with enough to buy a case of suds on the way home so I could orchestrate a soft landing over the next few days and keep FFF command central afloat for the weekends games.
Let me tell ya, it was a party that would make the Stabler/Matuzak Raiders proud. Hell, it would make the Raiders, the late 70's Led Zepplin road crew and pre-Rehab Robert Downy jr proud.
So anywhooo.. back to the biz that got us into the A-list shindigs in the first place.. FOOTBALL FASHION !
One of my obsessions has been getting a good clear picture of the outward curling 3/4 helmet stripe of the Carolina Panthers. For decades now I have hunted this elusive prey with only partial success. All my previous attempts have yielded only limited success in the form of pictures that are like those grainy bigfoot shots you see on those half baked alien/conspiracy/we didn't really land on the mood idiot psuedo-documentaries.
Well, I guess my possesion of the Pulitzer Prize has imbued me with new super journalistic powers because before my hangover from the award ceremony afterparty had even kicked in, I had snagged the shot that has eluded me all these years. My total lack of dedication has finally paid off. Witness the glory below of the best direct shot illustrating the most unique helmet striping in all of Pro football.

Huh?! Eh? was I kiddin'.... she's a beauty right? As anyone who has followed this site knows, the Ravens, and Titans have fading front to back double stripes and the Broncos have a single back to front fading center stripe but no one in the history of the game has ever gone where these boys have by throwing the outward curl into the mix. And now greatness has graced these hallowed pages for the second time this month when the Football Fashion gods smiled over at Lady Luck and gave her the nod to spread 'em for us one more time before the Pulitzer Viagra wore off.
I have a wise old uncle who once told me "kid, if you live a good life, you get lucky once in a while" That seemed like a pretty dismal prognosis to me so I promptly ignored it, reversed field and dove head first into a pile of heroin and hookers. As you might expect, I met Hollywood Henderson and Micheal Irvin in there. And so I followed this glorious path to this high paid cushy gig writing about the really savage side of football.
So now its time to crank up a stogie, lean back and bask in the glory for a while before it's time to watch the the Jets and Titans go at it. It's gonna be house divided here at FFF what with the fashion commissioner pulling for the Titans to remain undefeated and me pulling hard for the former Titans to knock the boys from Tennessee off their undefeated throne. Yeah, I got the 72 Dolphins on my side this week but I ain't gonna sit at Griese or Shulas table. Oh no, I'll be headed straight over to the Mercury Morris corner and we're gonna round up the Sundance kid aka Jim Kick and with the bar set Pulitzer party high we're gonna watch the Jets win and then show 'em how it's done.
Party on Wayne, Party on Garth
Ken

Thanksgiving .... thanks

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Breaking news: Lions throwback sucks

Well, this picture about sums up my feelings for the pitiful Lions throwback effort. The most pointless and nondescript piece of puke ever foisted on a fashion hungry football fandom.

No helmet logo? No biggie. Titans don't have one, ditto Browns and half of Pittsburgh. No helmet stripe? Ok, I guess they were maybe depicting a Uni from a "before helmets" time frame.

Plain jersey, no interesting font, one color. Hmmm... Plain pants, no stripe? I'm no historian but I think they had invented pants stripes as early as the thirties. Perhaps all the cloth striping was being diverted as priority to make fan belts for Henry Fords assembly line... Alright, maybe they just had nothing to draw on but when you add up, well there's really nothing to add up.

It's just a big giant blank canvas turd of a throwback. How fitting that it comes from a team that resides in the swamps of the Fashion power rankings with their regular threads.

Not being nasty just to be nasty but I think the brain trust in Detroit needs a "Snap out of it!" slap.

Or maybe its time to forget about half measures and just load up the trusty double barrel and take this franchise out behind the woodshed and put it out of it's misery.

Messin' wit da Pats Mojo

In the spirit of "Best of Krusty" I've decided to reprise some images and columns just because I like them and want people to see them again. I'm starting with this Ambiguously gay duo-like Patriots logo.
Hopefully my Patriot fan friends see it and if so it should weaken their mojo going into this huge Jets - Pats game for first place in the AFC east.
Seriously, if you were the Pats center would you want this guys hands anywhere near your crotch?

I've put this picture below in to erase that horrible image from your mind. ... your welcome
Flotsam and Jetsam in no particular order
One of the tidbits in Uniwatch's pre season NFL roundup mentioned that several teams were going to debut redesigned uniforms next season. I know it's only mid season but I'm already starting to wonder which teams might be up for changes.
A chat with the Fashion Commissioner highlighted his experience and knowledge when he pointed out that uniform changes tend to follow coaching and or Stadium changes.

So the question is who is changing coaches and who is moving to a new stadium next year? The Rams have already had their coaching change and corresponding uniform changes and we here at FFF salute and welcome them (See divisional power rankings, and other quick hits for details)
The 49ers have Mike Singletary installed as their interim head coach and if he does well could remove that "interim". It's just a hunch but I don't see them making changes.

The Cowboys will be moving into their Gigundo Hunormous new digs next year but I'm hoping they don't make changes since I think theirs is one of the best Unis in the league and they have such a rich history to mine for alternates and throwbacks already

Falcons Ravens Dolphins and Redskins all have new coaches this year but none brought uniform changes with them so they're probably out. I suppose they could have a delayed urge and I wouldn't mind if the Ravens gave it another shot but the Falcons have made mucho changes over the past few years and I wonder if they feel the need to go with a makeover.

Holmgren is retiring in Seattle after this season so maybe they're in for a makeover. This would be great if they get rid of the all solid home configuration which we have ranted against here, but I have to admit that I like their aways and hope they don't get changed.

The Raiders made the mid-season coaching change but they are already rumored to be making changes in that they will use the silver number/lettering on away jerseys next year. I'd be crushed if the Raiders made any wholesale changes as I consider their uni to be bedrock foundation stuff to the NFL uniform world.
The Chargers are planning a new stadium but its still in planning and may be lured to LA by a new stadium there.

The Giants and Jets will be moving into their new home in 2010 so any uni changes corresponding to that move wouldn't take place next season.

The Vikings are planning a new stadium but it's a ways off still and they just did some major renovating on their duds.
Los Angeles is apparently building a football stadium in hopes of luring someone to move with the Vikes, Saints and Chargers listed as possibles. It's all in the negotiating game I guess.

So this brings us to the very edge of my limited span of attention without any real conclusions but a lot of dark amorphous fears that someone may fuck up a classic uniform.

As if I don't have enough to worry about already with my recurrent bouts of "Restless third leg syndrome"

Fun Fun Fun till...

Ok... new feature. It's a little plain vanilla in layout and design but this is good and will just get better ; ) To the right under the "about us" box you will find our brand spanking new football fashion poll/quiz. I'm dying to see if anyone gets this one.

The first one who knows the answer and sends an e-mail with their name and answer to the "contact us" e-mail address from the site http://www.footballfashionfanatics.com/ will win an "all the way" date with the movie star or recording artist of their choice. Yes, we have that kind of pull.
Really. No seriously. Don't believe me? Well, go ahead, be that way. But when some other lucky bastard is rummaging around Natalie Portman's panties you're going to be kicking yourself... right? So what are you waiting for?
Or you can just check the circle corresponding to the right answer and see if you know your football fashion from a hole in the ground... you light in the loafers pantywaist.

Quick hits week 9.
This was an item from two weeks ago... read


Also noteworthy on the Giants side of the ball was the new and unusual helmets worn by both Justin Tuck and Fred Robbins. I think this is the Schutt ION 4d. Anyone know for sure? My problem with it?... Can’t they make their improvements without giving it that dopey Klingon forehead look. It would still be distinctive from other features so please Schutt, lose that pointless protrusion.

Generally, I like Schutt. I even own one myself. I bought it for my ill advised foray back into footall a few years back when I couldn't find a Riddell that fit as well as the Schutt DNA. I love the fit and protection of the helmet but the DNA makes me look like the Great Kazoo cartoon character from the Flintstones when viewed straight on. If forced to choose, I'd take the Klingon look over that but why do I have to? Is it too much to ask to get the look right when innovating?


Continued from above. Now as I see more pictures I get the picture. The picture of Justin Tuck above shows that in fact he's not wearing the Schutt but the Riddell Revolution Speed. (you can see another view of the speed in the post below) They both have that wierd thick raised center but in slightly different configurations. They both sport a futuristic angularity in the facemask department as well as foregoing the traditional round earhole for a parallelogram, rhombus thing that looks like a hole you cut in a jack o lantern. The way to tell these two apart is the raised side facemask anchor point on the Schutt.
I've done extensive research (a quick scan of the first few google hits) an have come to the conclusion that they both look wierd. I don't like the Klingon/alligator look of the Schutt and I don't like the look of the Riddell either. Those center ridges make me want to shoot civilians. Both web articles I read included grandiose claims of how much more shock they can absorb than the current base models and how they really kick ass compared to those old leather models. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Having worn the Schutt DNA which sports the same or similar inner padding I can tell you that I got a few neck stingers while using it and once got so dizzy from a head on collision with a lead blocking fullback that for a moment I wasn't sure if I was in a game or at a good tailgate party. So these things can't be that much better than the standard issue helmet.
My crazy cousin used to play for an amateur team in New York called the Brooklyn Cowboys and he loved to tell stories of how he kept a little cats toy thing with a bell inside the webbing his helmet and how he wouldn't consider the game fun until he'd had a collision violent enough to cause the bell to ring. He played mostly special teams because he was fearless, fast and was just looking to train wreck into someone. He would challenge and dare whoever he lined up against to ring his bell. He also didn't have a good sense of direction after the first quarter or two and a few rings but after a while people started avoiding his charges, opening up lanes enabling him to make plays.
My point is, he'd never be able to be able to get a ring if he was wearing one of these wussified high tech wonders. Like Rams smashing heads or Grizzlies fighting over a Sow, part of the attraction and fun of football is daring the other guy to endure more pain or risk more injury than you and no amount of padding will ever change that. So tell the boys down in R and D to take off their white coats, put away their Poindexter protracters, crack open a tin of suds and go out back for a game of touch. Leave the violence and concussions where they belong... on the field.

Well well well, seems like I called it wrong. i thought The Giants Justin tuck was sporting a Schutt Ion 4d helmet but I think now I was mistaken. While perusing the bible aka Uniwatchblog.com i spied an item identifying the strange new helmet as a Ridell revolution speed. In my defence I will say that the angularity of both models is similar.

Regardless it was a faux paus and I prostrate myself before our legions (3) of loyal readers and promise to .... ah hell I promise nothing. You want accuracy go somewhere else. This blog is more impressionist painting than blueprint.

Not sure if I mentioned it before but noticed that one of the networks upgraded their down and distance graphic to include team colors. Then I noticed another that even included the team logo but left out the arrow. I know it should be obvious but I often watch with people who are new to the sport and I feel that the prupose of the graphic is to make the situation and direction of play obvious. By changing the arrow to an oblong nameplate shape it loses the duh factor. I like the duh factor. Newbies like the duh factor. Bring back the arrow... please.