Absurdity comes in many flavors

If you're reading this blog it means that you not only appreciate absurdity... you actively seek it out and wallow in it like a filthy pig rooting in it's own waste (do I know how to butter up our readers or what)

As such we're opening up the Esteemed PFL (Paper Football League) annual tournament to one lucky reader.... kind of like Vince Papale in that movie "Invincible" where the local boy makes it past a Vermeil publicity stunt to the roster of his beloved Eagles.

Yeah.... just like that...

Anyway here's the initial Propaganda invite that went out. The reader that sends in the most interesting fashion detail or funniest impassioned plea will win a chance to compete on the big day. Plus that date with Natalie Portman that no one won from our last contest. (go back a few weeks in the blog to check that one out). Let the games begin.

Greetings one and all ! Yes the world is seemingly spinning out of control, those of you lucky enough to have houses just saw their value plummet, we're all never going to be able to retire and soon we'll all be living behind the 7-11 fighting over who gets to sleep in the dumpster and who sleeps under it. So whats a rational person supposed to do? I'll tell you.... CELEBRATE because the 4th annual PFL is comin' at ya in just a few short months! Thats right it's time to warm up those fingers, work up an appetite and get ready to let the mayhem begin. Once again Joe Hermann stadium has been leased for the big day. The maids are spiffing up the luxury boxes and a cooling system has been installed under the porch floor astroturf to insure that even in the event of a warm spell, the tundra will be frozen for gametime. It promises to be an extravaganza and an action packed thrill ride from start to finish. As usual. This years event will start early on Saturday January 24 2009 with a new feature... an actual touch football game at the newly refurbished dumont field. Thats right, this year participants wll be limping up to the table at the paper tournament and with any luck at all someone may even drip blood on the playing table. There will be excellent food, there will be beer of all shapes, sizes and flavors, and as always the thrill of an athletic competition so ... soo... so absurd that the networks refuse to cover it and the olympic committe won't even return my phone calls. There may even be T-shirts check out the design here. http://www.customink.com/lab/?E=kens_cash@hotmail.com&F=pfl3 (for zooming capablity) or from the attached pic. There will be NFL background music until your ears bleed and an atmosphere so manly that the EPA has been put on alert to have a testosterone cleanup team on standby. There will be a jam session afterwards which will hopefully be kicked off by Johnny O reprising his thoroughly detestable and equally hilarious David Allen Coe song. To Mike Mac, Tom, Joe and Johnny O lets pick 7-10 songs, agree on keys and we can run through them before the event on our own so its more fun on game day. Bring a sleeping bag to crash on the floor as anyone trying to drive home drunk will be shot and debauchery is encouraged. Does anyone know a kid with a license and a car who wants to make a few bucks doing pick ups and drop offs for the people who have to get home that evening but want to be able to have a few beers without worrying about it? You guys coming from a distance, please make plans to sleep over so you can relax and enjoy ok? Again thats Saturday January 24 2009 the weekend after the NFL conference championships. PUT IT ON YOUR CALENDER! RSVP and indicate if you're game for the game of touch before the paper tournament

From the Grinch to the Ginch

I wanted to do a little bit on sideline reporters. Particularly that one that looks like Underdogs girlfriend Sweet Polly Purebread. The cartoon is Underdog so all the main characters are animated dogs, so even if Polly is sweet and Pure she is a dog. Need I say more? Then there's the one that resembles the 7 that bartends at your local dive. Michelle something or other I think is the name of that sad excuse for sideline snizz. She resembles that bartender. You know the one I'm talkin' about. She works at the place that sucks but it's walking distance so going there means you don't have to worry about driving home. You rarely go to the miserable hole in the wall and you rarely think about her but on the odd occasion that you end up there she might be the only thing in possesion of two x chromosones and if the tube is showing some of that Olympic crap with 12 year old children twirling sticks with ribbons attached... well, what's a guy supposed to do with his eyes?


6 or 8 beers later she's lookin' downright doable and you're looking forward to her walking to the other end of the bar so you can stare at her 7 ass which has, through the magic of alcohol, become an 8 and a 1/2 ass. It, of course, goes nowhere because she's already got you pegged as a loser for being there at all and doing a poor job of hiding your staring at her female parts every chance you get. The next day the whole thing will be forgotten and you'll feel no inclination to go back and indeed wonder why you didn't just go home earlier.

My point is ... what the hell are women of this caliber doing on all the big NFL broadcasts? I don't want my sideline updates from some "gal" with real sports knowledge. I want a broad so hot she makes my eyeballs melt and my pulse race at first site. I don't care if she gets all here commentary fed to her through an earpiece. The broadcasts are already loaded with authentic expert commentary. Do we really need to pretend the sideline reporter is anything more than eye candy? Can't I just have my 15 second sexual fantasy with a desireable woman before we get back to the action on the field? Is that too much to ask?

It irks me everytime. So I decided to go look for a picture or two of these two woofers but when I type in sideline reporters, you know what I get? This

Yeah, thats right. She doesnt look like Underdogs girlfriend does she? And how about this one?

She also came up under "sideline reporter" .... Want a few more?So where is the 7 in that crowd I ask you? Why aren't any of these obviously talented sports professionals trading witty barbs with Goose 'n Moose? Why aren't Madden, Micheals and Dierdof and Simms calling their numbers? Can't someone start a petition to can Michelle whats her name and Sweet Polly purebread? If they can take the time to redesign the NFL logo, ball, change instant replay rules, dream up new ways to turn fans upside down and shake more money out of them through PSL's, surely they can correct/improve this aspect of the viewing experience. Can I get an amen?

Today I became a true Jet fan

Grinch steals Jet fan hope.

The Jets lead the division but this is how I feel about our season.




Full disclosure: I didn't even see the game. I have NFL gamepass and with the top shelf option that means access to all games. I originally thought that I'd watch every Jet game this season but being on the euro side of the Atlantic means a 4 oclock game in the states starts at 10pm for me.

This didn't seem like much of an impediment in theory but I foolishly overlooked the fact that I'm an old man with a three month old infant and a nine year old (plus some kids from my ex's life before me) So being sleep deprived and having to wake up early every day and deal with infant, sleep deprived partner, getting kids ready for school etc the whole idea of staying up till 1am on a Sunday evening just didn't survive the first encounter with reality.
Even my strong desire to see all this seasons games could not exceed my desire for the sweet release and refuge of the scant sleep available. And so each week I pray the Jets have a 1 oclock game or I have to make plans to watch the archived version the following day.... if I haven't seen the score or if I have and it's a game I still want to watch.

It was with a heavy heart that I hit the hay last night as I really really wanted to see the Jets redeem themselves after last weeks Bronco loss. Last weeks loss was easily written of as par for the course for Gang Green. I mean, it wouldn't be the Jets without the requisite inappropriate loss at regular intervals and since the Pats also lost we were still in first place yadda yadda yadda.
I figured it was a well timed wake up call to prevent cockiness seeping in, to keep us sharp for our turn at a cinderella march to the Super Bowl. Then I woke up this morning, clicked my browser on which of course has the NFL.com set as home page and saw that the Niners had beaten us.


My first reaction was "Well, I guess two weeks ago when an all NY Super Bowl was the topic dujour, was the high point of the season"

This sounds rational enough no? It sounds like a normal innocuous response right? Wrong! Suddenly I had a blinding flash of realization that the Jet lifer body snatchers had finally gotten to me. Just like that I'd given up on the season. Without preplanning or forethought, I'd reached the conclusion that the appearance of great things to come would be as good as it would get. There was the towel flying through the air in slow motion, on its way to the canvas in the middle of the ring way before my fighter even had a chance to struggle to his feet. For ten year now I'd resisted adopting the bone-deep bitter stance and attitude of most of my fellow Jet fans friends who were lifers and seemed to crumble into a sobbing heap of wailing flailing flesh at the first sign of trouble in any given season. Indeed, on any given Sunday, like dogs that have been beat to much they would seem to "spend half their lives just a-coverin' up"

But there I was. An objective look at the standings would show that due to our in division record we are in fact still in first place in the division. Repeat: Jets in first place in the AFC east in Week 14. True, its a three way tie in an excitingly tight division race in which we own the tie breakers right now but there I was, slime still dripping off me from the pod, deciding that the season would be all downhill from here.
I wasn't wailing flailing or sobbing yet but I'd let my mind make that Jet fan suicidal lemming-leap nonetheless. I desperately thought about sliding back into the body snatchers pod and trying to psychic-ly reverse the process through sheer force of will. This couldn't really be happening! I could just picture my bitter Jet bretheren looking at me with that blank stare and saying in that monotone "Now you are one of us. Come on lets watch the game" I would be led to a spot on the couch and much like a passenger on a doomed Jet, would spend the rest of my football watching days raising my seatback, slapping my tray table up and leaning forward into that crash position at the first penalty or turnover for the rest of my days.

I didn't want it to end like this. I really didn't. I never thought they'd get me. I wasn't one of them. I was a modern era Jet fan you understand. I only came onboard when Parcells took over the controls in 98. I didn't come with that baggage of 30 years of heartbreak after the franchises one brief shining moment. It couldn't happen to me.
And still it did. I stood there like the Grinch watching the Who's celebrate down in Whoville without their pantoozlers and wuffles... puzzling and puzzling till my puzzler was sore.
Oh well... I never thought I'd be old enough to pull my elsatic waist band up to mid spare tire either.

On the bright side if we do make a Fairy Tale march through January, I will celebrate with my Jet fan friends not as a newcomer or an outsider. No... for better or worse, I have become that which I have feared and looked upon with pity and contempt, I am now a true Jet fan.

Ken

Dick jokes from decades past and great football names

I was just watching some ESPN classic episodes of "This week in the NFL"... you know, the ones with Pat Summerall and Tom Brookshire sitting in ultra cheesy low budget sets. My personal favorites are the ones that have them sitting in front of a football shaped coffee table.

Anyway while enjoying the week 8 recap from 1971 Pat Summerall was narrating over the martial music that became the mind soundtrack to every sandlot and backyard football game played by kids in the seventies and he called a play naming the quarterback for Atlanta... Dick Shiner.

Yeah, you read right. I had to rewind just to make sure I heard it right. Then I had to lie to my girlfriends young son who wanted to know why I was laughing.

I mean really... Dick Shiner?

I watched some more highlights because the youngster wanted to see the old Jets highlights but I was making a mental note to write an item about the Shineroski, the ol' Shinola. By the time I got around to writing I'd lost my certainty as to which team the Shine-man played for. I thought it was Atlanta but since I have my total lack of journalistic integrity to think of I decided to devoted at least 15 seconds to fact checking.

As luck would have it I have the Encyclopedia of Football in it's most current version and I looked up the Shine-ster .
Sure enough there he was and to my surprise, he'd played for ten years! For the Falcons, the Giants, the Saints, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Washington... the Shiner shone nationwide. Here's a picture of the man showing the gritty determination he would need to endure his habit of forgetting his helmet on the sidelines.


I couldn't believe I didn't recognize his name as I was around twelve back then and even though it seems impossible, I liked a good Dick joke then even more than I do now. How the hell did I let that meatball by me without hitting it out of the park?

Surprisingly enough that is not the worst Dick related, joke ready football name I ever heard. When I went to college at Glassboro State our football teams coach sported the moniker (gods honest truth) Dick Wacker. Pronounced Dick Wacker. Now really, what sadistic son of a bitch, boy named Sue parents hung that albatross around some poor infants neck? Ya know? Who would do that to a kid?

On the other side of that fence are many great Football names like Joe Namath, Emerson Boozer (cool and funny) Wilbur Marshall, Deacon Jones, Dexter Manly (a good contradiction that tips in favor of cool by the fact that he was big and scary) Joe Kapp, Too Tall Jones, Hollywood Henderson, Mean Joe Greene, Hacksaw Reynolds ... yeah I know these are all from the Stone age but I was just watching highlights from 71 so bear with me. Or is it bare with me?.... oh who the hell cares.

Anyway my friend had a kid a while back and as soon as I heard his name I thought "this kid has got to play ball" His name is just to good not to. Wanna know what it is? .... wait for it... a little more... ok, ya ready? get a load of this... Diesel Beck. Eh? eh? Is that awesomely perfect or what? When you're on the sandlot choosing up sides is there anyway you don't pick Diesel? If he's even remotely good and his name comes up on the draft board, could you resist calling that name? If your an announcer calling a game is there any cooler name to be calling?

I tell you this. If Brian Urlacher had the name Diesel Beck he would get at least a few extra Pro Bowl votes every year... no doubt.

And thats all I have to say about that. .... except Dick Wacker, Dick Wacker, Dick Wacker

Billie Johnson: trailblazer

The Spatwrap cleat cover, the debris inhibitor, Cleat Shoe Cover, The Sports Spat. These are the names for the various models of this new craze currently sweeping the football nation. (yeah, I know they've been around for a while but I just love using any variation of the phrase "craze sweeping the nation") My first reaction is to go with the ol' "What will they think of next" cliche, but it has kinda been done before. I seem to recall a lot of players that just taped their shoes to achieve the solid white look. And considering those black rubber or rubber-like elbow covers I suppose it was just a matter of time till they migrated down to the shoes.
I'm not altogether sure how I feel about this. I love innovation especially when it's an accessory and it's all about the look. And I give it bonus fashion love for being pointless. Debris inhibitor?... yeah right. Try as I might I can't recall a single episode of football related performance being inhibited by debris lodged in a shoelace or some of that ever present field debris affecting a play....
...no wait... there was that time when the Oilers Bille Johnson was on the verge of breaking another big kickoff return when the fishing line hanging off a piece of driftwood lying on the 47 yard line got snagged in the Nike logo tip that was protruding a 32nd of an inch from the side of his shoe and ... well we've all been there before, trying to outrun some closing cornerback while attempting to shake loose from 16 pounds of water logged driftwood covered with tangled knots of 20 pound test polyethylene line and the odd barnacle.
I hate when that happens! But now that I think of it that was right before he became famous as Billie WHITE SHOES Johnson. And he made his shoes all white by covering them with tape. Eureka, I've traces the origins of the Sports spat debris inhibitor right here in this unlikely stream of consciousness!

And so it only took another 20 years after Billie hung up his white shoes to come up with a solution accessible to every player. Of course back then they figured that 20 years hence we'd all have those Jetsons flying cars but hey, at least these new babies are available in team specific colors. And they have pre-cut holes for the cleats. Cooool.
I do have a problem with the toe however. Billy covered the whole shoe. If the shoe above was already red and covered with a red spat I'd like it better. This is like when I first noticed this new doo-dad it was a black spat on a black shoe, like in the first picture above. I know that technically a spat doesn't cover a whole shoe but the only person I can think of who wore spats was Scrooge McDuck and really, he wasn't even close to being as cool as even the lowliest bench warming scrub on the 70's Saints.

And really, don't you think it just a matter of time till sharp corner of the bumper of a 78 Chrysler catches in that open toe? Someone's going to lose a million dollar bonus performance incentive over this.I know a few Savage lawyers that'll be lined up to represent that player against the company foolish enough to claim they're "Debris Inhibitors"
And who knows maybe the Gods of Irony will smile on the situation and the Blood sucking shyster that runs the Debris Inhibitor into bankruptcy will use his cut of the Multi million dollar award to go out and by him or herself a set of real spats...

Ken

My friend Brett

I live with an stark raving mad savage. In other social settings I refer to her as my significant other, mother of my child, yadda, yadda, yadda. One of the tidbits in the mountain of evidence that demonstrate her femininity, ... I mean insanity, pard0n my redundance, is that she sends me e-mails even though we live in the same apartment and our computers are about 20 feet apart. Normally this is not a big deal as I ignore them much as I ignore the rest of the mountain. I'm not sure if ignorance is really bliss but ignoring things is key to our relationship.

One of the things that I love about my live-in savage is how she tolerates, indulges and even encourages my football obsession. Which brings me to the email in question. She sent me a facebook link that if clicked on, makes me a Facebook friend of Brett Favre.

I was shocked in that I had no idea Brett was on Facebook. Now that I've clicked his "friend button" I feel comfortable calling him by his first name. I'm barely on Facebook myself and for every unit of enjoyment I get from contact with long lost friends is balanced by two units of annoyance with the whole dopey thing and the time it sucks from my Pulitzer award winning pursuits. The whole site seems to go far beyond just social networking and seems determined to waste ones time with pointless ancillary crap.

But in this magical season of NY football how could I not love a woman who finds a way to make me Brett Favre's personal friend? I must admit that I've got some mixed emotions about the whole thing, I mean, I know there's just some pasty faced toady boy clicking on the thousands of friend requests but that's for those other common losers. Surely Brett, by now is aware of our elevated status as real players in the football universe and may even be interested in a soft landing on the staff of FFF after his playing days are over. This year will be his first Super Bowl win as a Jet and after he reprises this act a-la Elway to make it back to back titles then he will be ready to transition and what better fit could there be?... did you pick up on that little fashion humor there?... "fit".... get it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they can't all be golden. So what do you think? How long should I wait for a reply from the Favre-meister? I mean, I know he's busy an all right now but we gotta feel a little love if we're gonna keep a seat warm for him in the Fashion command bunker.

I'm a reasonable man. I'm thinkin' if one of his cyber-serfs wants to stand out from the crowd he or she could send a few luxury box tix along to us at Football Fashion Fanatics we'd be more than happy to keep our burgeoning friendship on ice and his future place secure while he goes about the business of finally relieving the pain of the legions of bone deep bitter Jet lifers.

This season just keeps getting better. Me and Brett... BFF

Pantherific Pulitzer Party

Wow... those pulitzer people know how to party! I was expecting egghead central but instead got a roomfull of Hunter Thomson wannabees. I guess it's been about a week or more since winning the prestigious award and most of the money is already gone. Shoulda said ixnay on the ookershay a little earlier in the week. At least it was a first class bender. Yep, best crack hotel money can buy.
In any case I had the presence of mind to save enough for cab fare home. I had to shoot my way out of the room with a fistfull of the last of the larger denomination bills but it was worth the risk since it left me with enough to buy a case of suds on the way home so I could orchestrate a soft landing over the next few days and keep FFF command central afloat for the weekends games.
Let me tell ya, it was a party that would make the Stabler/Matuzak Raiders proud. Hell, it would make the Raiders, the late 70's Led Zepplin road crew and pre-Rehab Robert Downy jr proud.
So anywhooo.. back to the biz that got us into the A-list shindigs in the first place.. FOOTBALL FASHION !
One of my obsessions has been getting a good clear picture of the outward curling 3/4 helmet stripe of the Carolina Panthers. For decades now I have hunted this elusive prey with only partial success. All my previous attempts have yielded only limited success in the form of pictures that are like those grainy bigfoot shots you see on those half baked alien/conspiracy/we didn't really land on the mood idiot psuedo-documentaries.
Well, I guess my possesion of the Pulitzer Prize has imbued me with new super journalistic powers because before my hangover from the award ceremony afterparty had even kicked in, I had snagged the shot that has eluded me all these years. My total lack of dedication has finally paid off. Witness the glory below of the best direct shot illustrating the most unique helmet striping in all of Pro football.

Huh?! Eh? was I kiddin'.... she's a beauty right? As anyone who has followed this site knows, the Ravens, and Titans have fading front to back double stripes and the Broncos have a single back to front fading center stripe but no one in the history of the game has ever gone where these boys have by throwing the outward curl into the mix. And now greatness has graced these hallowed pages for the second time this month when the Football Fashion gods smiled over at Lady Luck and gave her the nod to spread 'em for us one more time before the Pulitzer Viagra wore off.
I have a wise old uncle who once told me "kid, if you live a good life, you get lucky once in a while" That seemed like a pretty dismal prognosis to me so I promptly ignored it, reversed field and dove head first into a pile of heroin and hookers. As you might expect, I met Hollywood Henderson and Micheal Irvin in there. And so I followed this glorious path to this high paid cushy gig writing about the really savage side of football.
So now its time to crank up a stogie, lean back and bask in the glory for a while before it's time to watch the the Jets and Titans go at it. It's gonna be house divided here at FFF what with the fashion commissioner pulling for the Titans to remain undefeated and me pulling hard for the former Titans to knock the boys from Tennessee off their undefeated throne. Yeah, I got the 72 Dolphins on my side this week but I ain't gonna sit at Griese or Shulas table. Oh no, I'll be headed straight over to the Mercury Morris corner and we're gonna round up the Sundance kid aka Jim Kick and with the bar set Pulitzer party high we're gonna watch the Jets win and then show 'em how it's done.
Party on Wayne, Party on Garth
Ken

Thanksgiving .... thanks

Check out our Turkey day tribute... www.footballfashionfanatics.com
Take our new poll. Look to the right then just down under "about us"

Breaking news: Lions throwback sucks

Well, this picture about sums up my feelings for the pitiful Lions throwback effort. The most pointless and nondescript piece of puke ever foisted on a fashion hungry football fandom.

No helmet logo? No biggie. Titans don't have one, ditto Browns and half of Pittsburgh. No helmet stripe? Ok, I guess they were maybe depicting a Uni from a "before helmets" time frame.

Plain jersey, no interesting font, one color. Hmmm... Plain pants, no stripe? I'm no historian but I think they had invented pants stripes as early as the thirties. Perhaps all the cloth striping was being diverted as priority to make fan belts for Henry Fords assembly line... Alright, maybe they just had nothing to draw on but when you add up, well there's really nothing to add up.

It's just a big giant blank canvas turd of a throwback. How fitting that it comes from a team that resides in the swamps of the Fashion power rankings with their regular threads.

Not being nasty just to be nasty but I think the brain trust in Detroit needs a "Snap out of it!" slap.

Or maybe its time to forget about half measures and just load up the trusty double barrel and take this franchise out behind the woodshed and put it out of it's misery.

Messin' wit da Pats Mojo

In the spirit of "Best of Krusty" I've decided to reprise some images and columns just because I like them and want people to see them again. I'm starting with this Ambiguously gay duo-like Patriots logo.
Hopefully my Patriot fan friends see it and if so it should weaken their mojo going into this huge Jets - Pats game for first place in the AFC east.
Seriously, if you were the Pats center would you want this guys hands anywhere near your crotch?

I've put this picture below in to erase that horrible image from your mind. ... your welcome
Flotsam and Jetsam in no particular order
One of the tidbits in Uniwatch's pre season NFL roundup mentioned that several teams were going to debut redesigned uniforms next season. I know it's only mid season but I'm already starting to wonder which teams might be up for changes.
A chat with the Fashion Commissioner highlighted his experience and knowledge when he pointed out that uniform changes tend to follow coaching and or Stadium changes.

So the question is who is changing coaches and who is moving to a new stadium next year? The Rams have already had their coaching change and corresponding uniform changes and we here at FFF salute and welcome them (See divisional power rankings, and other quick hits for details)
The 49ers have Mike Singletary installed as their interim head coach and if he does well could remove that "interim". It's just a hunch but I don't see them making changes.

The Cowboys will be moving into their Gigundo Hunormous new digs next year but I'm hoping they don't make changes since I think theirs is one of the best Unis in the league and they have such a rich history to mine for alternates and throwbacks already

Falcons Ravens Dolphins and Redskins all have new coaches this year but none brought uniform changes with them so they're probably out. I suppose they could have a delayed urge and I wouldn't mind if the Ravens gave it another shot but the Falcons have made mucho changes over the past few years and I wonder if they feel the need to go with a makeover.

Holmgren is retiring in Seattle after this season so maybe they're in for a makeover. This would be great if they get rid of the all solid home configuration which we have ranted against here, but I have to admit that I like their aways and hope they don't get changed.

The Raiders made the mid-season coaching change but they are already rumored to be making changes in that they will use the silver number/lettering on away jerseys next year. I'd be crushed if the Raiders made any wholesale changes as I consider their uni to be bedrock foundation stuff to the NFL uniform world.
The Chargers are planning a new stadium but its still in planning and may be lured to LA by a new stadium there.

The Giants and Jets will be moving into their new home in 2010 so any uni changes corresponding to that move wouldn't take place next season.

The Vikings are planning a new stadium but it's a ways off still and they just did some major renovating on their duds.
Los Angeles is apparently building a football stadium in hopes of luring someone to move with the Vikes, Saints and Chargers listed as possibles. It's all in the negotiating game I guess.

So this brings us to the very edge of my limited span of attention without any real conclusions but a lot of dark amorphous fears that someone may fuck up a classic uniform.

As if I don't have enough to worry about already with my recurrent bouts of "Restless third leg syndrome"

Fun Fun Fun till...

Ok... new feature. It's a little plain vanilla in layout and design but this is good and will just get better ; ) To the right under the "about us" box you will find our brand spanking new football fashion poll/quiz. I'm dying to see if anyone gets this one.

The first one who knows the answer and sends an e-mail with their name and answer to the "contact us" e-mail address from the site http://www.footballfashionfanatics.com/ will win an "all the way" date with the movie star or recording artist of their choice. Yes, we have that kind of pull.
Really. No seriously. Don't believe me? Well, go ahead, be that way. But when some other lucky bastard is rummaging around Natalie Portman's panties you're going to be kicking yourself... right? So what are you waiting for?
Or you can just check the circle corresponding to the right answer and see if you know your football fashion from a hole in the ground... you light in the loafers pantywaist.

Quick hits week 9.
This was an item from two weeks ago... read


Also noteworthy on the Giants side of the ball was the new and unusual helmets worn by both Justin Tuck and Fred Robbins. I think this is the Schutt ION 4d. Anyone know for sure? My problem with it?... Can’t they make their improvements without giving it that dopey Klingon forehead look. It would still be distinctive from other features so please Schutt, lose that pointless protrusion.

Generally, I like Schutt. I even own one myself. I bought it for my ill advised foray back into footall a few years back when I couldn't find a Riddell that fit as well as the Schutt DNA. I love the fit and protection of the helmet but the DNA makes me look like the Great Kazoo cartoon character from the Flintstones when viewed straight on. If forced to choose, I'd take the Klingon look over that but why do I have to? Is it too much to ask to get the look right when innovating?


Continued from above. Now as I see more pictures I get the picture. The picture of Justin Tuck above shows that in fact he's not wearing the Schutt but the Riddell Revolution Speed. (you can see another view of the speed in the post below) They both have that wierd thick raised center but in slightly different configurations. They both sport a futuristic angularity in the facemask department as well as foregoing the traditional round earhole for a parallelogram, rhombus thing that looks like a hole you cut in a jack o lantern. The way to tell these two apart is the raised side facemask anchor point on the Schutt.
I've done extensive research (a quick scan of the first few google hits) an have come to the conclusion that they both look wierd. I don't like the Klingon/alligator look of the Schutt and I don't like the look of the Riddell either. Those center ridges make me want to shoot civilians. Both web articles I read included grandiose claims of how much more shock they can absorb than the current base models and how they really kick ass compared to those old leather models. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Having worn the Schutt DNA which sports the same or similar inner padding I can tell you that I got a few neck stingers while using it and once got so dizzy from a head on collision with a lead blocking fullback that for a moment I wasn't sure if I was in a game or at a good tailgate party. So these things can't be that much better than the standard issue helmet.
My crazy cousin used to play for an amateur team in New York called the Brooklyn Cowboys and he loved to tell stories of how he kept a little cats toy thing with a bell inside the webbing his helmet and how he wouldn't consider the game fun until he'd had a collision violent enough to cause the bell to ring. He played mostly special teams because he was fearless, fast and was just looking to train wreck into someone. He would challenge and dare whoever he lined up against to ring his bell. He also didn't have a good sense of direction after the first quarter or two and a few rings but after a while people started avoiding his charges, opening up lanes enabling him to make plays.
My point is, he'd never be able to be able to get a ring if he was wearing one of these wussified high tech wonders. Like Rams smashing heads or Grizzlies fighting over a Sow, part of the attraction and fun of football is daring the other guy to endure more pain or risk more injury than you and no amount of padding will ever change that. So tell the boys down in R and D to take off their white coats, put away their Poindexter protracters, crack open a tin of suds and go out back for a game of touch. Leave the violence and concussions where they belong... on the field.

Well well well, seems like I called it wrong. i thought The Giants Justin tuck was sporting a Schutt Ion 4d helmet but I think now I was mistaken. While perusing the bible aka Uniwatchblog.com i spied an item identifying the strange new helmet as a Ridell revolution speed. In my defence I will say that the angularity of both models is similar.

Regardless it was a faux paus and I prostrate myself before our legions (3) of loyal readers and promise to .... ah hell I promise nothing. You want accuracy go somewhere else. This blog is more impressionist painting than blueprint.

Not sure if I mentioned it before but noticed that one of the networks upgraded their down and distance graphic to include team colors. Then I noticed another that even included the team logo but left out the arrow. I know it should be obvious but I often watch with people who are new to the sport and I feel that the prupose of the graphic is to make the situation and direction of play obvious. By changing the arrow to an oblong nameplate shape it loses the duh factor. I like the duh factor. Newbies like the duh factor. Bring back the arrow... please.

What a weekend!

Well, the Jets finally won one in the Green pants. And a big one at that. This plus they beat the team who have one of, if not the worst Uniform in the league. That panel outline on the shoulders just reminds me of a ten year old kid wearing a sheet as a pretend superman cape. The helmet is horribly overstriped and they've been sporting a patch associated with a country guilty of harboring a semi french city. Not good.

While I am a fan of the colored or bordered jersey gusset, the Bills side panel is too loud and doesn't match up with the pants stripe in the least. Gotta throw the fashion flag here for flagrant fashion foul.

They also sport a collar that is not only as obnoxiously loud as the gusset, it sticks up in the back like a freakin' polo shirt on a yuppie who thinks wearing his collar up makes him a rebel. Does it get any worse? I've seen this model on a few other teams and it makes me fear for the world my children inherit.

Anyway the big news around here is the Fashion Commissioner himself issuing his counterpoint take on the league wide Fashion Power Rankings. Go to http://www.footballfashionfanatics.com/ click on the associated headline for a full dose of the pointless pontificating you just can't find anywhere else. (unless you include the 8 billion other bloggers doing non-football fashion specific nonsense)

P.S. Big thanks to P squared and Colin the Brit and Danny Rock for helping us get FFF command central back up and running.

Tentative attempt

New column on website http://www.footballfashionfanatics.com/ Helmet drunk, Parcells fat and lovin' it ; )

Ok, ok... lets give it a shot. I can't log into this section like I used to but figured a work around, so here goes.

The pic on the left has a good example of those football specific spikes I'm always on about. These should be mandatory with throwback uniforms. Can I get a hallelujah?

Noticed a few things this past weekend. This may have been going on for a while but its the first time I noticed that the down and distance arrow graphic that shows on a broadcast is now color specific to the team.... nice touch. Kudos to whoever came up with that one.





I watched one of those games with strong sunlight on one part of the field and shadows on the other and noticed that that hover/wire cam that some teams (or networks) use cast a shadow as it moved around that made it appear as if Sputnik or the lunar lander was about to land on the playing field. Odd. But thats what we do around here, take notice of the trivial and odd.





Saw a highlight of Maurice Jones-Drew breaking a big run with what appeared to be a handwarmer on backwards. Whats the point there? Doesn't that just give a tackler a handle?

Oh my fah-reekin' God !

What a endless nightmare! I mean really, it's enough to make you wonder if its really worth it. Endless restarts, scans, reformatting twice, replacing drivers, having epileptic fits, anyurisms and strokes.
Shouldn't there be a campaign to collect money and hire goons to beat the bloody snot out of the souless fuck weasels who write viruses?... Seriously.

control seems to be regained. Maybe after two weeks of this bullshit I can actually get back to content.... maybe

The nightmare continues

Good lord, it just won't stop. The computer nightmare goes on and on and on. Endless restarts, endless scans. Norton keeps finding things then declaring it clean then finding more. Calm and normalcy seems to return and then it starts over again. Then I try to back up files to disk so I can reformat and that doesn't work.
Suicide appears to be the only option. Goodbye cruel world. Bury me in a Tillman jersey...

Fashion commissioner one ups George Plimpton

In a stunning development our own fashion commissioner has not only followed in the dead footsteps of George Plimpton but one upped him by playing in a regular season game... and without a helmet !

As Kelly Bundy used to say "It wobbles the mind". Many know that the fashion commissioner goes into a nearby phone booth on Sundays and comes out as Giant man. Not as many know Rich's second team is the Titans, so it was a dream come true for Gearman x. The Titans won the game to remain undefeated and so Dick Lynch's namesake continues to enjoy a fans season for the ages.... so far. The Commish goes into the books with one completion, one concussion and no clear memory of the past 4 years of his life.

In other news this weeks fashion power rankings profiling the teams of the AFC east were posted just minutes ago. Check 'em out http://www.footballfashionfanatics.com/Week_7_afc_west_power_rankings.html

FFF crippled by computer problems. National guard called in to restore order.

My computer was in the stranglehold of some god damned… thing for the past few days. Hijacking my browser and causing strange behaviour in a lot of key programs. The resulting brain anyurism, epileptic fits and tourettes-like outbursts have wreaked havoc over here at FFF command central.
Each time I think it’s under control it comes back from the dead like some B-movie serial killer. I mean really…
My fits of rage during this battle caused me to channel Mo Syzlak the bartender from the Simpsons. When I thought of what dickhead would foist these problems on other humans I thought, as Mo said “If I ever get my hands on you I’m gonna rip your eyeballs out and shove them up your ass so you can watch me kick the crap out of you”


So the battles not over yet but if you’re reading this it means that I’ve at least regained the capability to post.

The Fashion Commissioner, aka Giant Man has discovered a new Giants history site and it is just amazing. Any football fan will find great stuff and for Giant fans it's like being a Juggs subscriber in a Vegas strip club. 'nuff said. http://history.giants.com/

So down to fashion business. The Jets lose on a 57 yard field goal in OT to the Raiders. They were wearing their green pants. Karma got ‘em for it. The green pants suck, put ‘em away for good.
This does however provide new information in the discussion regarding if a team can wear their throwbacks twice in a season and wear an alternate uni as well. The Jets green pants would have to qualify as an alternate uniform since their standard road pants are white. Since Gang Green has already worn their throwbacks twice this season it would appear that the twice a season rule for throwbacks is a separate issue from alternates.

The Cowboys got beat by the Rams who continue to shine in their new semi retro uniforms. The ‘boys looked at St Louis’ record and ignored the the power of the new duds and paid the price.
Herm Edward once hired a guy just to handle clock management at the end of the halves. When will teams wise up and hire consultants (like us) to advise them on fashion issues that clearly have an effect on game results?

Watched the Giant game and it was a study in contrasts uni-wise. San Fran looked spectacular with an especially vibrant red on the font of the tackle twill jersey numbers. Numbers which by the way are the unusual three layer twill variety, the under most layer being the black to give a previously discussed 3d effect.
The blood red of the helmet paint just resonates.
There was a lot of variation in the outer layer white socks of the niners and I’m surprised the NFL fashion police didn’t pick up on this.

The Giant were in their home blues and this is where they shine. Simple white single layer twill cut in a basic football font on no nonsense solid blue jerseys combine with the minimalist elements of the rest of the uni to add up to BIG BLUE. If San Fran’s uni was a symphony then NY’s was a steamrolling power trio at an absolutely rockin’ house party. They’re both great but I know where I wanna be…
Not that NY was without nice details. The red collar yoke web that holds the mandatory collar NFL logo is unusual and a real nice touch. Some of the players were wearing long sleeve under armour type matching undershirts and it was reminiscent of the days when there actually were long sleeve jerseys. (see previous post on the NY Titans away jeresy) Todays ultra tailored second skin fit jerseys have taken away some of the classic football look from bygone era’s so this look was noteworthy and welcome.

Also noteworthy on the Giants side of the ball was the unusual helmets worn by both Justin Tuck and Fred Robbins. (yes I know they've worn them before. I think Brandon Jacobs even sported one for a while last season but this is the first chance I've had to comment) I believe this is the Schutt ION 4d My problem with it?... Can’t they make their improvements without giving it that dopey Klingon forehead look. It would still be distinctive from other features so please Schutt, lose that pointless protrusion.

Generally, I like Schutt. I even own one myself. I bought it for my ill advised foray back into footall a few years back when I couldn't find a Riddell that fit as well as the Schutt DNA. I love the fit and protection of the helmet but the DNA makes me look like the Great Kazoo cartoon character from the Flintstones when viewed straight on from the front.

If forced to choose, I'd take the Klingon look over that but why do I have to. Is it too much to ask to get the look right when innovating?

More later if I ever get this fucking virus under control…

Tech note

Just a note to say that I just realized that the click here's don't actually work on the blog. They work on the site so if you want to see what the items refer to just go to the site version of the item at http://www.footballfashionfanatics.com/.

Or you can wait for me to figure out how to make the links work on this blog but I've got a constantly puking, dumping, crying baby to deal with. The baby just turned six weeks old and you guys with kids out there know what that means. Yeah, that's right; it means the post birth ban on sex has just expired so I also have a partner who needs... ahem... attention.

So the point is that I wouldn't hold my breath if I was you waiting for me to fix a tech problem. Yes I know its probably a simple thing that even a semi computer literate chimp could handle, but even a simple computer thing can tie me up for hours. These are hours I need to stay on the cutting edge of football fashion for you our faithfull, charming and talented readers .... ; )


Here's a pic of us before we became covered with spit up and reeked of diapers.

This is a woman who looks good in a football jersey and even went along with making "Tank" one of our kids middle names.
Shortly after he popped out I mentioned that he had a neck like Tank Johnson. I would have been happy using it as a nickname but she insisted it be on the birth certificate.
Believe it or not this was mild compared to what she actually claimed to want to name him before he was born..... D'Brickashaw ; )
Is that a great football partner or what?

New reader question takes the cake

Our very own "Beach Gal" comes through with this question.

"Are the teams only allowed to wear their throwbacks twice a season, and what does a hot voluptuous beach gal like me have to do to get busy with a football fashion stud muffin like you?"

..... ....... ok, I added the last part of that question but first part was legit.

The answer is yes and I suspect she was throwing us a softball just to get us warmed up. It may have been a pity question but much like a pity squeeze... We'll take it.

The better question that it brings up is "can a team wear its throwback on two occasions and then an alternate on another?" And so I pick up the red phone on the FFF main desk and call to our crack team of fashion researchers to crank up the phone lines and huge mainframe FFF computers to find an answer.

More later on this developing issue

Fans rejoice over release of NFC west power rankings

Follow this link to go to one of the most exciting weeks of power rankings ever.... EVER !

http://www.footballfashionfanatics.com/Week_6_nfc_west_power_rankings.html

Also this from the Browns website:

Brown pants update: No, the brown pants the Browns wore in their Aug. 18 Monday night massacre against the Giants were not set ablaze. They're collecting dust in the team equipment room and will be there for the next three years.
When an NFL club requests a special uniform change, it must live with it for a period of five years. The Browns pants were requested two years ago and only used that one time.
At the time of that uniform change request, the Browns also were granted permission to use the 1957 uniform that they will wear Monday night against the Giants. The throwback style has the player numbers on both sides of the helmet instead of on the shoulders of the brown jerseys.

This neglects to mention that the changes include thinner pant striping and that the helmet stripe is just white as opposed to the current white bordered by brown....

Updated Wow with Seahawk details !

What a weekend of football uniform pageantry!
There’s just so much ready to spew from my fevered brain that I’m going to go stream of consciousness and let you poor bastards sort it out.
The Rams shock the Skins… is it coincidence that they look spectacular with the white pants and tastefully striped pants. There was a little dignity in their unpretentious look that’s been lacking the past few years. Sure, other people will go on about it being their first game under new coach Haslett. What-e- veeerrr. To many Ram uni’s click here without a pants stripe of any kind the past few years if you ask me. All that they need to do now it turn that vertical shoulder stripe back into the curling Ram horn that it used to be.

Watching the Texans Miami highlights halfway through that game I was reminded of how much I wished they were consequential because I really did like their uni this week. click here Understated shoulder striping, great choice of colors, a logo simple sleek and macho. Then they go on to beat the surging Fins… coincidence? Maybe.

The NY Jets in Titan uni’s keep the good mojo going with another win in the Throwbacks. click here Previous complaints about the uni include poor visibility of the numbers. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… Woody, tell the boys in design to make it a double layer twill number with a white outline. It would fit the color scheme and solves the visibility problem. I know its not 100 percent authentic but neither is the colored facemask or the Nike swooshed shoes. Either go all out or make this little adjustment for the fans in the seats.

In other Jets news, new punter Reggie Hooges hails from Ball State. I hated to see our token Aussie go but Reggie gives me an excuse to implore new readers to go to the weekly column archives (link on the weekly column page) and read about the fighting gonads of Ball state ; )
Final Jet note: Love that the grounds crew at the meadowlands put the Jet end zone logo in NY Titan colors…. Nice touch

New favourite wacky football name… Defensive lineman for the Bengals, Frosty Rucker. Shades of Alien 2 “Stay frosty, man” Anyone with that name deserves his own little fan club along the line of Gurellas Gorillas. Maybe a steroid buff version of Frosty the Snowman as a mascot?

Random note. Basic FFF principles include detesting with every fiber of our being solid tops together with solid pants. Seattle being one of the prime offenders. However to even out the balance sheet, gotta say I love that rounded shoulder panel tab thing on the Seahawks white jersey. I think that’s unique to them. Kudos

Interestingly enough you can see that skill positions have the rounded shoulder tabs but it appears the linemen do not. Things that make you go hmmm.... Still can't say why but I love that flourescent green pant stripe and collar stripe. There's just nothing like it anywhere else in the league, and even though I like it, I don't think it should be copied. I think it's just a one off thing that works. Thoughts? Comments? I'm talkin' to you Stiener.

The Card come up big beating the Cowboys. The Cowboys have one of the best uni’s in the league but as I watched the highlights I was struck at how good the Cards looked in their Tillman reds. Click here The Boys looked stale somehow and the Cards looked more solid and traditional than usual but the thin front curving pant stripe puts them squarely in the new millennium. It was a upset for the Cards on the design scoreboard as well as the stadium scoreboard. Nobody saw this one coming.Especially not Johnny Niland who just recently denigrated the Cards D as weak while trying to demean the Jets victory over them. Perhaps, before the season is over Phoenix will come to describe more than just the city they call home.

Random note: New Bud lite ads tout it’s superiority due to it’s “Drinkability”One of the many things I love about beer is the absurdity of the ads related to the product but this pushes the limit. Unless some competing brand has decided to put out a beer in gel form, I can’t see how any one of them is more “drinkable” than the other. They should just claim that those cool colored bottle shaped aluminium containers are a reason to choose them. That I could agree with.

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Jets patch

Here's the patch the Jets will wear on the 26th.

I like the shield shape but the mix of green and red doesn't do much for me. As stated elsewhere on site/blog, I have mixed emotions about it. Certainly there's pride in remembering the glorious and historic, even iconic victory that made Namath a NY god-for-life.

Then there's the depressing thought of "God damn thats a long time to go without getting back to the big dance" Of course since I spent a lot of those 40 years, as Joe Herman would put it, "whoring around the league" (as a fan)... so I don't feel that pain as much as the bone deep bitter lifers of Jet nation. However, much as when your wife or girlfriend is sufficiently annoyed by something, the pain becomes yours as well because you have to hear about it. Whatever it may be. In this case I know this point will bring up bile from my Jet fan friends which they will spew in quantities that will make it inevitable that I will have to wade through it ankle deep.

Oh well, I have rubber boots... and Brett Farve under center this year ; )

Evil genius

re Photo ID contest on main site www.footballfashionfanatics.com

Danny Rock won todays photo contest identifying... well I won't say just to see how many others get it. The tricky bastard just moused over the photo and got the name of the file and googled the name.
(channeling Stewie) DAMN YOU!
Can you tell I'm new to this thing? So Herr Rock wins 10 imaginary points redeemable for future FFF merchandising crap.
Anywhooo I changed the file name so lets see if anyone else can identify the pic by legitimate means.

Another patch item. The Jets will be wearing a 40th anniversary commemorative patch of the last franchise super bowl win on Oct 26 vs the Chiefs. I don't know about you but do you really want to remind people that its been that long since a championship? The Jets are also one of the teams in the league with a standard front of shoulder patch so will this one replace that one temporarily or will there be dueling patches. If so where will the captains patch go? Burning issues, I'm sure you'll agree

Patch Proliferation paranoia

Logo creeps evil twin "Patch proliferation"(tm) has reared it's ugly head once more. I like this patch.


You may have noticed it on the Chief uniform, an altogether fitting tribute to Lamar Hunt. If you'll forgive the F Troop reference, Hunt was to the Chiefs whatt Wild Eagle was to the Hekowi's. I guess that would make Hank Stram the Crazy Cat. (Of Lamar's prime). Herm Edwards, sorry to say because I like the man, is looking like Screaming Chicken. But I digress.
I was under the impression it was a one year patch but, according to the awesome AFL history site run by the Coniglio family http://www.conigliofamily.com/AFLdecals.htm it's now a permanant part of thier uniform. I fear for my family. Once the patches overrun the jersey numbers societal anarchy won't be far behind. Mark my words.
On a related note they have this patch labeled as a suggested patch for the upcoming 50th anniversary of the AFL.






I suppose it's a cool idea (as patch ideas go) but who would wear it? All teams? Original AFL teams? Just the AFC? What about the teams that started in the AFC but are now NFC? My head hurts. I'm tired of this, I'm going to make coffee.

Throwback update

But, oh yeah. One more thing, the Chargers will be wearing their Powder Blue alternates this weekend. This sucks because it reminds you of how great the Powder Blue throwbacks are and how much the alternates suck by comparison. What Einstein designed that alternate and didn't include the helmet numbers?

The Jets will be in their NY Titans throwback uni's against the Bengals this week as well. Yeah baby.

Word is The Raiders will be going with silver numbers on their white jerseys next year, also as part of a tribute to the 50 year anniversary. Shades of Daryl Lamonica.

A few people asked me what was up with the refs wearing black pants in a few recent games. I was stumped, my head still reeling from the all the dizzying changes to the zebras get-ups of the past two seasons. However a clue comes from the bible of this pointless trivia, Uniwatch. Apparently the black pants are cold weather pants. Glad thats somewhat settled. I don't know about you, but that one was keeping me up at night.

And finally Stiener had the answer to the "Stump the commissioner" video question of the week with this sneering, condescending e-mail.

AJR= Arthur Joseph Rooney. Hell, even my 9 year old knows that. Stiener

Well played sir! Thank you for bringing our knowledge base up to the level of your nine year old. I never imagined we'd reach such dizzying heights when we started this project. Kids let this be a lesson to you. Dream big and you may even exceed your wildest expectations! (I bet she knew about the refs black pants too, didn't she?)



Remember, check out main site for other content or the baby gets it. http://www.footballfashionfanatics.com/

God dammit !

Now I know from my Google analytics that a shitload of you visited yesterday, I'm guessing from Stieners post on the Jet message board but not very many visited the main site. Well I didn't want it to have to come to this but if you don't go to the main site and check out the content there I'm going to drop this baby. Don't test me man, cause I'll do it... I swear it... I'll make Micheal Jackson look sane. I know I'm smiling but trust me it's a Jack Nicholson Joker evil smile. I mean business! Now click on this link and nobody gets hurt.

http://www.footballfashionfanatics.com/

Holy Shit, I found it !

Well raise my rent! I found it. After my usual half assed effort to find out if there was indeed a NY Titans away jersey I came up dry and quit. (cont' below, the next paragraph accompanies the pic from the website I found it on )http://www.conigliofamily.com/TitansJets.htm

.

In the third game of the 1961 season versus the Boston Patriots, Titans fullback Bill Mathis broke his collarbone and this jersey was cut and removed from his body as he was helped off the field. Despite the injury, Mathis went on to play all 14 games that season - a testament to the toughness exhibited by the players of the American Football League. He led the AFL that year with 202 attempts, was second in rushing yards with 846 and second in touchdowns with seven.

Then I was going to address Stieners issue of poor number visibility by suggesting that since there was white in the shoulder stripe, why not outline the numbers and nameplate letters in white? So I went looking fot a generic pic of the NY Titan jersey currently in use and stumbled across this beauty. Check out the stripes at the bottom of the long sleeves. I want it,... I want it bad. Its reminiscent of a Vikings away jersey of the seventies, isn't it?

No need to thank me Stiener... it's just what the crack staff of FFF does... yep... ahhh.

NY Jets/Titans away uni?

Just a few days ago Stiener was wondering if the NY Titans had an away uniform back when they were the precursors to todays Jets.
Well, apparently he wasn't the only one thinking along those lines. I just read this little item in Paul Lukas' Uniwatch.com

According to this message board post (sent my way by Steven James DeBlasi), the Jets “have announced that they … will unveil an away Titans uniform next season.” I have my doubts about that, at least in terms of a game uni, although a fashion replica isn’t such a stretch.

As I recall when the subject was last raised, I didn't follow up because my lovely partner had just offered to "love me long time". Since she's out with having coffee with the girls I'm going searching for that info right now... really... no really. Back soon

Check out new AFC North Power Rankings on main site www.footballfashionfanatics.com

New and improved !

Ken, (Left center) and his agents of the Swedish national guard have their eyes on your suspicious activities Mr. Hate mail person

Well, here I have a semi response to Danny Rocks response to my response of his hate mail from yesterday. You still with me? Anyway, although I can't recall all the details of Mr. Rocks complaints because, lets face it, nobody can spare the amount of short term memory that would be required to store the endless stream of nonsense that spews from the front of his head on a daily basis. (Am I right Ulrika, eh? are you feelin' me?)

First off, I was referred to as "Snapperhead" ! A throwback insult... Well played sir!

But I do recall something to the effect of wanting more images to go with the commentary. Well Daniel, go to the just posted power rankings and behold the glory. In each review is a "click here" that brings you to the teams slide show for the week and you will have a chance to see with your own two beady little eyes the details being "diskussed" ; ) ... and so continues our relentless march to NFL fashion website perfection.

Whoshyadaddy, whoshyadaddy, whoshyadaddy....

btw, thnx for Homer sox n corn muffins

First Hate Mail !

Check it out...

Daniel said...
Hey! Old man river! Could you diskuss some current events too so we who didnt exist during the civil war can participate. And post more pictures tho what you are discussing. Its kind of hard to follow when you cant see it. Specially for a rookie like me. There you go Ken! Your first of many hatemails! Dannerock

All right, lets break it down... Old man river... good. A pedestrian hit but it brought the man down. Next up, the spelling of "diskuss". It's discuss but hey, he's not a native English speaker so we're gonna let that one slide. The civil war comment... its just a continuation of the old man river theme. A little bit of piling on there... I like! Next up another spelling error... "specially".... "hey Lucy, you got a lot of 'splainin' to do. ; ) ... ok, sorry, now I'm piling on.
All I can say is that I feel your pain and that as I get better with handling images in the software I will try to remedy that situation and violate copyrights left and right till I have lawsuits coming out my ass... this I promise.
Aside from that what can I say, I'm grateful and humbled and I'm going to print this out and frame it as my overdue first hatemail on this site.
Thank you Dannerock

Dick Lynch, former NY Giant player and later radio announcer died this past week. He had a special connection to our own FFF commissioner Rich Geary.


He took off his commisioner's hat and prepared to step into a nearby phone booth to undergo his weekly metamorphosis into Giant man. But the usual joy associated with this process was tinged a somber streak. He pulled the Topps trading card from its protective plastic cover and slipped it into the other protective plastic cover of his quarterbacks wristband.
The big Dick in the sky would be calling the plays for Giant man this weekend. He paused to wipe the tear from the corner of his eye as he looked at the worn card. It was scratched and worn from the many "flipping" competitions he'd battled through as as a kid at St Joe's grammar school. Back then being a Giant fan meant nothing but seemingly endless crushing defeats and non stop taunting from the other kids.
But Dick Lynch had symbolized hope for him. Dick Lynch had come from an era just before his time when the Giants were a powerhouse to be feared. Dick Lynch was his namesake. You see Giant Man didn't just pop up out of the ground or appear out of thin air... no, his is a genetic condition inherited from his father. And so it came to pass that when the future Giant Man was born on 11/11, the father added up the numbers and coming up with 22, he realized it was a sign from the football gods and he named his new son after the Giants current 22... Dick Lynch.
And so with the disease succesfully passed along to a new generation, he did what all Dads back then did right after a birth, (before all this mamby pamby, touchy feely crap trapped us all in the delivery room for the bloody duration)... he hung up the phone, made the announcement to the other bar patrons, passed out cigars and went back to work on his third tumbler of scotch.
I was watching the Giants tattoo the Seahawks last night and one of my uniform related thoughts was about how much I love the Giants white numbers with no border. Bold, great, simple. Ditto the helmet numbers. Then I look at the picture above and see how this is exactly what the commisioner aka Giant mans current uniform configuration is and I know that the football circle of life has come around to form the big Ok thumb and forfinger sign and that it's coming from Dick Lynch up in the clouds... and I think he's winking too. Or maybe he just has something in his eye, I'm not sure.
But you get my point. RIP Mr Lynch. Any fan of Dick Butkus knows that there has been more than one great Dick in the NFL but as far as Football Fashion Fanatics is concerned... you were the biggest.
Ken

Oh no he di-int ! 2

I love the fashion joke aspect of this site so much because women are as much a part of football as the ball itself. There’s always cheerleaders, female sideline reporters and lady fans of all ages. Ritual combat in nature is always about impressin’ the ladies so it’s no surprise that they go so well together… in most situations. You don’t want to spend your time during a crucial game explaining what a touchdown is to some ditz you picked up the night before. There’s a flag right there.
But Sunday afternoon on the couch watching the game usually involves women in some way, whether it’s dealing with the interruptions of a girlfriend or spouse annoyed that your watching the game instead of mowing the lawn or munching the carpet or the women who’ve given up fighting the whole thing and just gotten into watching it with you.
And of course no game feels really complete until you’ve oogled and chuckled at the latest version of the bikini team on that years inane but loveable beer commercial. Hmmmm … beer. But I digress.
The parallels are everywhere. When discussing girlfriends or wives with the guys I’ve often heard them referred to as draft picks and then analyzed to land somewhere on the scale between bonanza and bust. Relationship faux pa’s by the ladies are referred to as “rookie mistakes” …as in “we had two great dates, then when I told her we couldn’t go out Friday because I already had plans to play pool with Dave she got all pissy and said “well, if you’d rather spend the night with your friends than me, go ahead”… after two dates! Nods of assent all around before he wraps up the story with “Rookie mistake”…
Football does not stand alone in any fans world (except maybe Tony Kornholer, since I would imagine most women on the planet would rather spend the night with nuclear waste than him) Women are indispensable ingredient in the mix.
Which brings me to my point. I read Nick Bakay’s column on “Throwbacks that make me throw up” and just loved it. http://www.nfl.com/news/story?id=09000d5d80b462ba&template=with-video&confirm=true
I had just days before put up a post on how I loved the Jets throwback, the NY Titan uniform. Reading Bakay’s column just made me feel like I was a chick and I heard that some other woman who had been to my house had gone to a third party and called my drapes “hideous”. I just love when women trot out that adjective to take a catty swipe at some other women and reading Nick’s column made me feel like someone had called my drapes “hideous”. I felt that little thrill when someone’s fired a shot across your bow and your mind goes on full alert and you start thinking about how to respond.
The first reaction was the, incredibly fun just to think, “Oh no he di-int. He did not just call my Titans uniforms “fecund” …Ricky lake head shake, Oh it’s on” I suddenly felt transported to the set of the Jerry Springer show and could just imagine that bald headed bouncer coming out to restrain me. I’m as twisted as the next guy but have never been into any kind of cross dressing but I must admit a little joy at getting to channel some Ricky Lake head shaker for a moment. And at that moment, I was so happy to have this blog to vent my nonsense to the other two and a half people who get this joke.
First of all I thought “hell, I’m not even sure I remember what “fecund” means. I thought it meant fertile but I guess in this context it must mean “like fertilizer”. I hate it when I have to think about what an insult means before I can respond. Couldn’t Mr. Fancypants have spared us all a trip to the dictionary and just said “they look like crap” ?
Well, I kind of get why he’s not crazy about the Pittsburgh throwback (the other target of his claws) since it’s not a favorite of mine either, and have to admit to really enjoying his well worded rant on the subject, but when it comes to the Jets throwback I heartily disagree and so after hours of work and wordsmithing I’ve come up with the following eloquent rejoinder to Nick Bakay and his manly house of footballs claim that the Jet’s NY Titan throwbacks are “fecund”..... SEZ YOU ! (bitch) ; )

Ken

Oh no he di-int !

Nick Bakay on NFL.com ... http://www.nfl.com/news/author?id=09000d5d80207805 Manly house of football disses the Titans throwbacks. It's like when one woman critisizes another womans choice of drapes, calling them "hideous".... I'm doin' the Ricky Lake head shake and wavin' the finger side to side. Oh, it's on... ( I love it ; ) I will be back with a proper rejoinder

Great e mail points by Stiener

The following e mail came in from Stiener and it makes great points. Check it out

I love the Titan uniforms but this is one problem with them. The color of the numbers are not bright enough so is very hard to read them, especially at the game. I believe they need to be a little brighter. The jets have played 2 of their best games in the last 2 season, yesterday and last year in Dullfin land with them on. We are wearing them at least once more against the Bills. I wonder what the Titans road uniforms looked like? Back then, did they have home and away uniforms? Stien man

The number visibility issue is valid. Perhaps a number outline in lighter yellow... And if I wasn't about to get a massage from the little woman, I'd be all over checking out what the NY Titans away uniforms were. Will get right on that after she love me long time ; )